How Your Birth Order Shapes Your Marriage (Best of 2024)

I’m a baby dating a middle child lol

I married another first born, it sucks.

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“Turn left, because” DOES NOT mean “you’re wrong” when I say it. It is a gift of time, one of the most valuable things in the world, and a gift that keeps on giving every time you come to that intersection. The interpretation “she thinks I’m wrong” is on the listener.
I’m a very lucky and rare INTJ female daughter of an INTJ father who said he could not wait to see what I would do next (as his eldest, born when he was 25). I probably would not say “you should” I would say, “next time if you.”
Yes, mom (ISTJ) read Dr. Spock and mopped the kitchen floor a couple of times a day, with three more children to follow at 2year intervals. I’m definitely an eldest child, but the fear of dirt concern was divided on my mother’s part very quickly, and I was often dad’s “helper” (I.e., he was mom’s helper) until we toddlers became old enough to keep an eye on each other. Yes, I was mom’s helper when he wasn’t there. If I have confidence in my opinions and a desire to watch out for young ones due to my birth order (I do), I suspect the personality type that is genetic has a strong influence on how birth order and parental personality types and guidance manifest it. BTW, my dad used to have us take turns “being in charge” when they would go out, and though I was often the babysitter, sometimes one of the younger ones was put in charge and I learned how to manage from the bottom, a skill that was very useful in my careers.

My parents had two girls - 12 years apart. I was the baby and not expected to amount to much. My sister was the golden child and got into messes but still was the star.

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I am first born! My husband is the baby of his family. Our relationship is really great. ❤

As an only child and mother of 3, I am fascinated by birth order.

What about just older or younger of two? I'm the younger w/one older sister. I was very protective of my single mother (parents divorced ), though, growing up, very conscientious and a very anxious child. My sister was and is very organized with lists, though, but, growing up kept to herself more in her own world in a way. I was more of a perfectionist, though. She was more relaxed and layed back. I grew married and had 7 children, and she married and had 5. And, now she takes care of Mom in her home.♥️

I am the fifth in the family of eight children. Does that make me a middle child of along with my other siblings who are also born between the first and the last child are we all six of us middle children? My mom was a single mom beginning in the early 70’, all of us children are dysfunctional having to defend for ourselves. Against each other!

I no longer can communicate with my siblings. Everybody’s a wreck!
My grandma did her best to help feed us and cloth us and take care of us, but we had no guidance from a father and an absent mother who . Due to divorce!

There’s more to personality than birth order.!

My husband is a first born and he has none of the characteristics. I'm the baby, but 14 years after my brother, so I have ALL the first born characteristics.

This has some useful insight but keep in mind people are complex and things such as culture, parenting we had (or lack of), and adversity we may have faced in our developmental years will effect all of these things. I personally was a first born but I have many middle child tendencies. I’ve been through a lot of things that played a role into my present character. Don’t be so judgmental if these things don’t describe you specifically.

We are both first borns, and have been married since 1957. We are 87 and 90 years old and still have all our facilities, and do volunteer work.

Being number 5 of 7 I was supposed to be a nothing. But I excelled and became very responsible. I was supposed to be of lower IQ, yet I had the highest of the family. My husband was 5 of 5. So he was the baby. But he was not spoiled. We get along very well, married for 42 years.

I was the second born of seven and have a strong inclination to help others, even mentoring at work. My husband was born the youngest of four, so his much older brothers helped him when he was very young and they were still around.

I’am only child ! So then what ?

My husband and I are both middle children and set in our ways. We are like the couple Dr. Leman ended the sessions with. We actually had a counseling session with an older couple from church and they ended the session by saying “so what are you going to do?” That was frustrating…. But basically so is everyday of our marriage.

My husband came across this video and shared it with me. He said that he thought I was all three. I am the youngest "technically" of six children. It was like two families the three oldest children were one family and the three younger children were one family. The two siblings above me were special needs. My brother 5 years older than me is autistic and mentally 9 years old. My sister 2 1/2 years above me was quadriplegic and could not speak due to an accident that happened while my mom was pregnant with me. I had to play the role of older sibling for my special needs siblings and help take care of them. Then when my quadriplegic sister died my role was changed again.

My husband and I are both first born. We’re both competent leaders and everything always falls on us when it comes to family matters. He’s a list maker, I’m definitely not !

Baby girls exercise more influence over their father than any other offspring.

How do you cope with 2 first borns married?

First borns were coddled and babied. Their Moms and Dad's were usually nervous wrecks.The youngest child is treated with almost benign neglect. WHICH ACTUALLY HELPS THE CHILD LEARN TO STAND ON THEIR OWN.😊

Beliefs shape Reality

Definitely play a role or affect the dynamics in a marriage but parents and how you raised also influence your marriage or workplace ethics. Lazy or responsible. Taking responsibility or blame-shift

My husband is a first born and a wonderful man! I am the middle child. 2025 we will be married 45 years…
I would do it all over again with this man!
In a training class, my boss said I was a first born..I said, no, middle child. My boss said no way!
I said you have to understand something, my older siblings are seven and four years older than I am. By the time I was in ninth grade, my sister was married and my brother was in Vietnam. I have two younger siblings so I am the youngest of the oldest and the oldest of the youngest.

My parents were both babies of their families. I was an only child for 6 years. Then they had 3 more. I'm 6, 7, & 8 years older. I was the only adult in the family. I read about this topic years ago and just knowing there is a format for negotiating this mine field and let go of my resentment.

What about ONLy children??

"Just the way you are" Billy Joel ❤

Astrology for religious folk

I like your conversations

I'm the firstborn daughter. My husband is the 3rd of 8, firstborn son.
I try to intentionally treat all my kids similar. I will say that is easier to default to ask my 3 yo for help or ask her to help her brothers because she knows so much already. I'm trying to intentionally involve my 2nd born, firstborn son more (almost 2 yo). And am starting to teach the youngest born, also a son & it's almost 1 yo.
My kids are very close in age. I'm pregnant with our 4th.

Well this only applies to average n well to do families

Well I think a birth order can be a small component but people are much too complicated to believe that this is very important and a marriage because I have met people married all kinds of different birth orders so I don't think that's the determining Factor. Just because you're born in a certain birth order does not mean that it's going to work out that way for instance Esau and Jacob, as you was the first part but he didn't want that position he didn't care, but Jacob didn't want that position first born leader and he took that position so I think the child has a choice and who they want to be no matter what birth order they were born in, but I do believe that middle children are more diplomats okay and that they can be the leader or the baby or the middle person so I really think that's the best birth position to be in as far as getting along with people often firstborn it's their way or no way and that's true with the youngest it's their way or no way but the middle child is a diplomat they want to make a deal they want everyone to be happy middle children are usually great sales people great negotiators they know how to compromise with people to make everyone happy so I really think that's the best position to be born in is a middle child but a lot of America's only have the two children so you're leaving out that middle child

He is not differentiating between seconds, thirds, and fourths...all with varying features

I was born third, however all three of us were placed in an orphanage, separated in foster homes. Then brought back together again when I was about eight years old.
I never fit the script but have been very independent and married a last born baby boy. What a blessing he was!
I was born-again at 27 and God really changed me-like night and day! ❤

Lots of exceptions and contradictions to the rules and generalizations but, interesting points nonetheless. There are some tendencies and qualities that the author touches on here that make sense. Interesting

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What does gentleman saying about birth order? I’m sure it works sometime however, I have seen families that the one that seems to be the best looking or the most talented gets the most attention.

I've heard Jim and John's voices a thousand times on the radio and am a long time fan. This is my first video of their content and it's nice to put a voice with a face. Their opposition might say they represent an example of two faces that were made for radio. 😅

The 5 and 7 year gap between me and my sisters explains why I have so many 1st born qualities wrapped in my last born/baby personality! Very enlightening!

I don't agree at all that the middle child wants to avoid conflict. It's been my experience that they are the most outspoken and instigate conflict to get their way. My wife and I are both first born and we are conscientious but my wife is pretty easy going.

My dad was the 4th of 4 boys while my mom was the 3rd of 3 girls There was a 10 yr age gap between her and #2 sister so she took on characteristics of a 1st born. My dad was 5 1/2 yrs older, but my mom always said he was her 4th child. He was the fun parent but made decisions without having all the information. She was more questioning & thoughtful. She gave great advice for every situation. I miss them both so much every day. Even tho I'm the first born, I have characteristics of both parents.

It is valuable to share these birth order generalities, but FAMILY FUNCTION realities play a huge role.
I'm a "first born", with 3 bros, the baby of which spent time in jail. #3 was another girls (as I am) who died in infancy.
The family dynamics of moms deep depression from loss, Dad being a long haul trucker, who physically abused us when he came home (impatience, exhaustion) made much misery.
Your guest would never be able to envision such a family conglomorate, especially as mom delivered still born babies along the way, and dad was not present to comfort her.
I was mom#2, but married when my baby brother was only 6.
There is so much more to this conversation than birth order.
I must add that Mom and Dad were both orphans before they were 3. They were bith middle children with little to no core love parenting.

I've always said, too bad we can't have the second child first! 😂

I had to remind myself that my hubby had to be my focus. As part of a matriarchal family (Italian), I saw sibs and cousins who were before parent relationships...so I had to work on my tendencies. Now I can reflect back that I did the best I could.he passed 11 yrs ago.

Is it possible to be a firstborn and behave like a last born?

I was third born, but only I moved in with my grandmother and aunt. I was treated as a first born by my single aunt who lived with us. My husband was first born and we do compete but I don't want to.