Interview with Kathy Kain. Her origin story, a new book & early trauma

I see parallels here between dyslexia and even myopia and the lack of feeling if safety. Once we understand that it exists, the solution comes.

The two of you are great, because you understand every aspect of trauma and how it impacts our life. Do you realize that there are not a lot of therapist in the world who can work on this deep level. And that is a bit of problem. My opinion is that you can do some online courses, or schools for expand this work on the whole planet. You might take it in evaluation, because at some point, me as a person who has PTSD and I work wirh children with cerebral palsy it would be changing for both children and parents, and I would like to get my tool kit to be better. Because this is so much important. And please, think about it. We need you, really

Thankyou. Just ordered the Kathy Kain book Nurturing Resilience to add to my road to recovery lockdown book list 😁

Thank you so much for this interview. I am currently starting SE for chronic back pain. I was a psych nurse with a very good understanding of trauma. I had to quit that job though I loved it. I felt the environment to be toxic to the children and staff. I heard so many times that " it is behavioral" as if the children could control their acting out. Very few understood that the children could not just stop the behavior or feelings that it came up.

Thank you ladies!

I was so fucked up during the Feldenkrais training because I had such a dysregulated nervous system. Nobody could explain to me, why this is not working for me. Thank you.

Thank you so much for knowing how to talk to your clients in simple language.

I am a complete novice when it comes to SE / Nervous System work. But as someone on their own healing journey, recovering from many traumas past and present, I love this. It has opened my eyes and heart to a whole new perspective on healing. Just bought the Tao of Trauma on a whim! Can't wait to crack it open.

You can't buy care. Care is something personal and between people in a relationship. If your paying for it and the minute you stop paying the care stops, it's not care.
The dominant culture comodifes every aspect of being human.
Paying for care, for love is prostitution.

I've been exploring Irene's stuff for a couple of weeks preparing for the next year edition of SBSM 12 week program. Much as I can follow 90-95% of Irene's videos content, I feel really helpless on this interview :((( It's even more depressing and discouraging since I teach English. That really undermines my self-esteem which is low, anyway. Automatic subtitles don't help much.... eh :(

In this discussion you talk about diregulated care givers. Can you elaborate on what disregulation looks like on both ends of the spectrum?

thank you... it took many years for me to understand this, and i;m glad you mentioned intergenerational trauma

Sooo much good stuff in this video, thanks!!!

Beautiful discussion, thank you. I wish there had been some enlightenment as to the practical methods being utilized in these somatic experiencing sessions, what titration looks like within this context from the client perspective, and if there is other somatically-informed healing work (not well defined by somatic experiencing definitions) that may be taking place within this context. I want to understand a bit more from a methodological perspective.

This is wonderful and so informative. Thank you! If looking for someone to work on with this for ourselves or our children, what type of practitioner are we seeking? What do we use as search terms to find professionals who understand what you’re teaching?

Thank you for this interview ~ I’m completely new on this hike to any semblance of healing 🌱.

Brilliant convo! Thank you both!

i was happy to check out so far im on the 52.46 minute mark as a person who suffered trauma and repeated psycological childhood abuse by an untreated narcisist , and even has gone to support group for trauma where there are people that are sometimes even out spoken about having a personality disorder and the manipulation and abuse they display there, not to be a buzzkill, im sure it comes from trauma, but a narc person is really dangerous, and even in support groups, they do a whole lot of projection, baiting, invalidation , gaslighting, triangulation and have their grandiose egos. Its quite difficult to navigate and when i was a newcomer to these support groups for trauma i had a whole lot of issues with people like this, and i would say, that makes sense if i was the family scapegoat and a highly sensitive person , who got abused by a narc parent, and i saw how when i got to what supposedly was a place for survivors finally there where narc people there too, doing there usual bullshit. Dont mean to be a buzzkill. Im sure it comes from trauma , but i feel since there are so many different reactions to trauma, fawn being one, and people that literally feel quite inadequate, and come to look for healing in their wounds and grow in capacity assertiveness and their right to take up space, and then there people that their reaciton to trauma was to become entitled and abusive , it does propose an issue in these support groups, and in my personal experience, it shouldnt happen, its unethical, but it sadly does...................................They need to heal their trauma yes and also heal their abusiveness ... they get so upset when someone talks about needing a lot of self-compassion because they know they cant give that to themselves. they're already so entitled. ... i dont mean to be a buzzkill just sharing my experience

Its amazing what she is sharing and the ripple effect that is happening. What's funny is I went to look up Kathy Kane on google and what comes up is batwomen... maybe a Freudian slip from kathy's mother when she was named lol

When will we keep on avoiding and refusing to speak about MALE GENITAL MUTILATION? This is routine traumatization of millions and millions of men - and then these men get made fun of in movies and TV shows for their dysfunctions.

It's legally and socially acceptable rape. The effectiveness, erectile strength and natural male vigor is stunted.

This is an attack against men. It's psychological castration.

I get that men get less sympathy, but this is fucking ridiculous.

Anyone that does that to their son is a sick motherfucker.

Toward the end, Kathy brings up informed consent - something that men never had.

If I could have spoken up, I would have said no. If I was a physical force to contend with, I would have beat the living shit out those sick piece of shit doctors.

I want them dead.

Really good exchange. Thank you so much!

Something that wasn't considered here, is that some people are sexually abused in the first 3 years, and have no memory of this. Also, when this didn't also happen to their siblings, of course there's going to be a massive difference in development and resilience. I'm willing to bet, that this scenario is much more common than what is realised x

A question about early developmental trauma- she we see this between ages 0-3 but that we can notice neuro issues later as teens, or older children. Would we see some issues along the way as well? If we want to heal our child’s early developmental trauma (use of forceps during birth) how would we go about this. If the child does not appear to have major learning problems by the age of 7 does that mean he is likely not experiencing major developmental issues or delays?

This information deserves to be disseminated in every primary school, high school and basically everywhere people go. This is life-saving information. So grateful for this interview! 🙏☮☯🧡

How strange though, that she doesn't say that an unhealed CPTSD adult doesn't have access to the gróunding and the living inside one's body, knowing how to self-defend, be self-assertive, say "don't talk to me like that !"in a good way. I can say it to some ppl , but in a n often bad way. worked up and in turmoil and unsure if I gave te right to . if it is justified, appropriate.. It doesn't help to be grown-up if we are handicapped, clueless and stuck in Co-dependency and have no clue in that particular area. Matbe she means that we do have the skill unawares.

You had me at hopelessness

Having an ‘interested caregiver’ really resonates for me. My father certainly wasn’t interested and my mother went through the motions but I could always pick up her lack of interest and desire to be elsewhere as well. During holidays she was always either sending us away or going away herself, and her favourite place to escape has always been ‘the garden’ which she seems to view as having some moral virtue to it. I think it was because her mother was also obsessed with ‘the garden’ in the same way that men get obsessed with their cars. So my mother felt a type of parental validation and that she was being good always being out in the garden. When I had my own children she would occasionally remember when my brother and I were young and say ‘she got to the stage where she couldn’t bare to be touched’ (I assume by me) as though I would agree. But I never felt that need with my children. Privately I have started to name her my ‘gtg’ mother (got to go) as 99% of the time she will finish her sentences with ‘sorry I have to go now’ which is usually something to do with her dog, or someone at the door and I often suspect she is just saying it to end the conversation quickly and thinks she has found a clever way to do it, rather than just being direct and saying goodbye without making up an excuse. Or alternatively she’ll time when she contacts me so she has just enough time to say what she wants to before saying she has to go. I don’t bother replying now when she ends her messages like that whereas before I had always been gracious about ending saying ‘ok see you later etc. I think she needs to know what it feels like for a change.

What a fantastic interview, thank you so much ladies. My moment came with:unreliable witness. I hate to admit this to myself (that I am one 🤦‍♀️) and I see this so often with my own clients and gently point out to them that unless we bring it home to ourselves, we will likely always be stuck utilising back stories around our nearest and dearest to feel safe. Learning to do this as a child means it’s deeply rooted for me, as a fawner. Figuring other people out (for me and many others) I feel, is a certain sign of NS dysregulation and for sure; feeling emotionally unsafe. So many golden nuggets of wisdom here 🙏

Medical trauma.

Very funny encounter. Thanks for sharing it

😢

Excellent video Thankyou.

This is SO important! And it makes me cry too 😭

This one popped up on my main feed when I was just going through a major perspective shift regarding original intentions. Origin stores are so powerful to be a little more objective about.

I appreciate the work you do.

Thank You ❤❤

What a beautiful interview. I was a little hesitant because of the length, but I am happy that I watched it.

I listened to it in 3 'sessions' while walking, folding laundry and that sort of basic things. That worked for me.

Several points that I got out of it which are important to me in this period of my life.

One is the huge reminder of how important the basic exercises are to built regulation. Especially with early developmental trauma.

It is such a challenge for me to feel some kind of safety. So I feel it is very important to really search for safety and pleasure so I teach my nervous system to do that automatically at some point.

Thank you both for making time to educate me and so many others.

I believe that the whole world should be aware of the nervous system, trauma, etc and how it influences every step of life.

Not only at individual level, but also for the collective consciousness.

Love from the Netherlands,
Savannah 😘

Gabor's quote summarizes it well - with our mind we create the world, but first the world created our mind.

Thank you ladies soooo much. This has been so helpful and inspiring, as someone with lifelong unsolvable chronic health issues, including mecfs, sensitivities etc.

I particularly LOVED hearing Kathy's final point about involving and educating the client. I have been to probably hundreds of health practitioners over the years, I have realised how disempowering the process actually is. Most healers do not actually have the emotional atunement to themselves in order to truly work in genuine partnership with their clients. Yet, anything less is the opposite of healing, and just tragically and unintentionally perpetuating core societal wounding, imo. ie: disempowerment of client and power-over by therapist.

I feel so validated hearing Kathy 🙏

False window of tolerance!!!! Ok I think I get it now!!!! Thankyou ❤️. Now I understand why I have to go so slow. Ty ty.

There’s so much advice out there which says you need to release your trauma first, then the system will regulate and settle. It’s fair to say that this approach destroyed my nervous system. My symptoms got worse and worse, and I saw this as it all ‘coming out,’ so I carried on down this path, like someone heading deep into the forest, hoping to pop out the other side. That didn’t happen, suffice to say.

Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤

I have those elevator conversations with people too and I enjoy them, but I notice I get very activated by them too. It feels so important that I get the word out, that I get them to understand. It feels almost like I’m making a sales pitch and my own well-being is wrapped up in their reaction.

Any suggestions on how to change that? Maybe it’s just my reaction to social interaction and it will go away as I become more comfortable with being in a ventral vagal state.

The system is resistant to change in general, of course. But I also believe that one of the reasons the system is so resistant is because if they start treating all these things as trauma, they can’t blame individuals as easily for not conforming to societal expectations. It opens a Pandora’s box of problems with our society itself. That is 1. overwhelming, and 2. going to make it easier for people to argue that things like inequality and rising cost of living need to change.

i would like a definition of regulation from then

Wow. That's me you are talking about. How everything makes sense now🩷😢

❤️🙏🏻

Enjoy this long-form interview with my colleague and mentor Kathy Kain :) Be sure to Subscribe to my channel so you stay up to date with new videos and upcoming interviews.