takeshi abo - LEASE (extended)

Day 31:

Day 32:

Day 33:

Is gave me frutiger aero beats 🐠🐠

Day 34: I can't believe I missed so many days in a row... 😢

Day 35: Well. It's starting to click a little bit. Unfortunately.

I really put in effort. I tried to fix my sleep schedule and stayed up almost an entire day so I could push myself to fall asleep at the right time and I did. Only to wake up after... 16 hours. Completely sleeping through 6 back to back alarms and missing an appointment I'd paid $160 for with no ability to rebook or refund since I'd only called after it passed.

I felt so frustrated today. I went outside for a walk to clear my head. I wasn't angry about the money, I was angry and disappointed in myself. Why couldn't I wake up? I sat by the river and for the first time in a long while- I prayed. I prayed to be stronger, more beautiful, more organised, I want a clean room and a body that can do everything I want it to do and a mind that can focus and get things done. I was so so disappointed in myself.

I really am trying, I know in the grand scheme of things $160 isn't gonna change the world. And I know in my lifetime- lots of things will be gained or lost, even if that was enough money to attend like- 10 and a half days of a convention. Or 8 small concerts. Ahaha.

I called my mom on the way home and I cried. A cute guy even looked super concerned for me (lol I stay winning!!!!!) So I think I must be the cutest when I cry or something (ehehe.) After crying I felt a lot better.

Even now as I'm writing this the tears have come back. I know I'm doing better, or I'm trying to, but my body is so weak. I need to sleep soon again, as I have class tomorrow- which I've already missed on monday and all of last week.

My mind is just yap yap yapping, and I can’t fall asleep, so I guess it's this song again on loop.

yabvjin!!

Should out to Takeshi Abo Visual Novel music gotta be one of my favorite genders of all time

tomodachi life core

Day 36: I think the reason I'm struggling to keep this diary now is cuz my sense of time is all messed up. I need to get my sleep back under control first and formost, when you think of your ideal self? What kind of life do they lead? My ideal self doesn't spend all night awake and sleep during the day- so I'm going to get closer to becoming them. I need to start from right now. And any little thing I do- is a little thing closer to being that person.

Day 37: I felt a bit of passion again and went back to complete the story I was writing. I had my last chapter ready to post since last year but just felt like... It wasn't good enough for my readers. I read back on the story and... I didn't like it because the development was like *me*. The main character made a lot of progress in the previous chapter and spends the current chapter desperately stuck in place, trying their hardest to cling to the status quo but unable to. I hated the reversal in the progress and thought everyone would be so disappointed to see the protagonist just bitch and moan- but they needed this. I have the whole story planned out... The joy, the good ending, the drama even- and sometimes to get to that, it isn't just a linear tale to the end. Sometimes you fail and that's okay. I'm struggling so hard to function like a normal fucking human being- but at the same time, I am really seriously trying... And that's good! I'm happy for it. Good job me. People like my story and are rooting for it. People like me and are rooting for me. I like both. I like and I'm rooting for both. Stan and Kyle are gonna get together and I'm gonna get my life together and no one will even remember those sucky chapters as anything more then a blip to get to the good ending. Yeah.

The first time I heard this in HD

Glossy vibes, Every aero aesthetic, No hard work, Infinite free time, No rush, No loud noises, Nice people, No phone, Only computers, Glossy work, Bright vibrant colors. Absolutely love this.

Day 38: I'm feeling a bit more energetic recently! The weather is a lot nicer too... I still need to remind myself to wear layers for when it gets cold at night ^^;; ahaha.

im ata resport rn and dis fits perfectly <33

Day 39: I've had a wonderful day out with friends! I managed to schedule things out well... I think one of them likes me- but I think she's just looking for someone to like ;; I can't say I don't understand her though! I can't help but look back and think of a bunch of "what-ifs"... I can only go forward however. I wonder what I'm missing for things to finally slot into place for me?

Day 40: I ended up messaging my ex best friend (aaaaaaa) this clearly must be form of sh. I was desperate for an outlet okay!!! Siiiiiiiiigh. I was even playing a great game yesterday and not feeling it. I just needed some comfort tbh and had nothing but shoddy substitutes T.T no comfy blanket or cozy game or cute plushie or cool song or anything can replace a comforting hug... But after sleeping and waking I felt better so...

That feeling after taking a shower in the morning.

Day 41: I see why solitary confinement is a form of torture. I've not been eating well honestly. I went shopping for the first time in a while and looked down and was like "wow... really nothing of nutritional value". I feel like my own little labrat left to my own devices. I don’t want to live in literal squalor like this but its like a self fulfilling cycle. I've always had a weak condition so I can't get things done right or well, the state of misery builds up dread in me and I cut corners, pushing me further into being weaker. Humans need support sometimes but I struggle accepting it, even now when I think about someone seeing the pathetic way I'm surviving right now I feel myself go pale. I need to crawl out on my own but how long will it take for me to get better? A week? A month? A year? Urgh... I'm just so dizzy all the time, I can’t cook well because of it and then relying on unnutrious food makes me dizzer! I need to go see a doctor...

Hey what you get on the test

reflecting on my life
Crying over the fact i can never be with a defunct store's mascot haha

Day 42: Today was okay! I feel a lot better after taking a step forward to fix things. I attended class too. I had no clue what the teacher was yapping about. Sigh. I really hate the way they structured this course. No explainations; just a word salad of terms i barely understand spoken about in ways I can't conceptualise crammed into barely a half a sentence onto a powerpoint laid out like a unfinished thought. It's literally garbage, I can only learn with asking chatgpt every two seconds and hours of self study. So useless. I wonder if I'm complaining too much but I remember this is just some little diary thing I'm keeping in the comments of a song I really like. Anyways... After accidentally missing a buncha days I thought I should yippy yapyap more to compensate...

Straight to my frutiger aero playlist

Day 43: There's someone out there who I see and think "Wow. They're living the life I could've had." But really, no two lives are the same no matter how similar. The door of opportunity never closes- it's more like a vast warping expanse with a bunch of doors always opening and closing. Sure it's overwhelming, but if you never take a step, you'll never get to where you want to be. I hope I can take more steps soon.

Frutiger aero❤

It takes me back to old samsung phones

Day 44: Worked on some personal projects!

Day 45: Missed class today... I was worried about it so I just didn't go T_T

this song reminds me of my girlfriend. so sweet and soft, so pure.

So at last, I find you.

This song makes me frutiger aero

Day 46:

Day 47:

Day 48:

Day 49: I remembered about this online diary thing... I just hadn't felt the need to update it much. I've been working on some personal projects and I'm happy. I have been skipping quite a bit of class though...

i tought this song was lost but then a dude named Tvziko help me find this :D

IN LOVE

How did he make this song? I just listened to the song but the memory of my childhood passed like a panorama

best rock and roll song

how my background music sounds when i'm having a good day

Idk this song gives me nostalgia

I never had a Nintendo or Wii but was still be able to experience childhood like this, and it's all thanks to FSX. Even if MSFS 2020 came out, for me, realism can't beat Nostalgia.

me in university (im a 2005 baby) studying & romanticising assignments AND I STILL LISTEN TO THE TUNE OF MY CHILDHOOD ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

I finally found it

It reminds of early 2000's vibe of summers ❤

whatever, go my wii

This song makes me want to have a hug and by cuddled by someone, i feel comfort and sadness listening to this song, I was born when this aesthethic was at its peak so I wasn't there to experience it beacuse it started to fade away and I was born just to late

👑✝Repent - change of your ways and go to God✝👑

(John 3:16): "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life"

[Revelation 7:9-10]: "After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.”"

🙏♥(2 John 1:3),(Matthew 6:14-15),(Luke 7:47),(Revelation 1:7)♥🙏 Amen✝👑

feels like summer, home and birds chirping