Boundaries For Beginners: These are Your Boundary Rights!

Excellent. Reasoning.
Thank you for work. This is very good.

Excellent. Reasoning.
Thank you for work. This is very good.

My wife’s younger 45 year old brother depends on her for material support. Buys him a house car and vacations. He lives in a 3 world country so it is less than in USA. But still an expense. She gets VERY angry when I questioned her decision to support him. I did so in a calm way. Seems to be a codependent relationship. ??
It also appears to be emotional incest as well. He calls upset that people at work are talking about something he has done. Boo hoo. The country they are from is the Philippines. A very dysfunctional society. Very permissive and boundaries are looked upon as very selfish. For example, a person that doesn’t work is offended if the working person, doesn’t want to give them money and feed them and share their paycheck they are considered arrogant and selfish. this way really promotes good work ethics ha ha. By the way her father grew up on the streets, was an alcoholic very very emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to everyone in the family 3 boys 1 girl. I just saw your video on emotional immaturity. She is about 15 years behind. She is very responsible but coping skills is where she is lacking. Cannot accept ANY correction. A common theme in the Philippines.
What are your thoughts Julia ? Thank you for your feed back.

me and my friends love hanging around watching your videos

this video literally came in the perfect moment in my life, love you

all of your videos click with the things I've been reading in the book 'Magnetic Aura', warm recommendation to everyone

Hi Julia. Thank you for your videos. Especially the ones about boundaries. I am 66 and my husband gave me an ultimatum. He wants me to retire, sell our home and live in a travel camper for the rest of our lives. I was honest with him and told him that I don’t want to sell the house and don’t want to retire yet. I don’t want to live in camper full time. He said if I don’t agree to this we are through. I am willing to compromise and retire next year , but keep the house and travel with him half the time. He won’t accept this compromise because he wants me with him all the time, but I don’t think I can handle being with him all the time. He is bringing up something from our past to guilt me into this decision. I stood my ground and was honest, but also feel bad because I know I hurt him. I feel like a compromise is best but he thinks I will be getting my way with no compromise. He said it’s all or nothing. I just want us both to be happy. We don’t have the best marriage but i would be willing to at least compromise. He is also asking me to leave my children and grandchildren. We would be away from home most of the time. Am I wrong for not agreeing to this ultimatum?

My issue with boundaries is I'm not allowed to set them. My partner takes it as abuse if I set healthy boundaries with her. She will argue tooth and nail to that point.

Hi Julia, can you talk about boundaries in a marriage. I hear all too often that people lose themselves in long marriages, and so I wondered how to implement boundaries to create good relationships.

I am fearful that the person will abuse my emotions or leave me because I treat them good

Thankful for these videos, they're helping so much.

Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪

My emotionally unstable elderly mother becomes very hostile and aggressive when I say that I refuse to participate in her incessant drama & conflict. Then I feel sorry for her and start blaming myself, which leads to going back to the same cycle of emotional abuse,manipulation etc. It's deeply wounding. Every time a text arrives I start shaking and my heart racing (PTSD in full swing). She can be terrifying. And it seems that my frightened inner child is still very much active.

Thank you , Julia for a wonderful video on boundaries!

I'm afraid that I'll set boundaries, and it won't even phase her. I fear that she'll move away even further

I said offhandedly to a friend of my mother´s once, when discussing our lives not having clear directions, I said that I just bounced from situation to situation with no boundaries or clear direction. And my mother piped up with, ´well I don´t know why you didn´t have any boundaries, i gave you lots of boundaries..... I didn´t have the energy to tell her there was a difference with rules and boundaries, and she never respected one single boundary for most of my life. So now, I have the grey rock and the rainbow umbrella, and don´t really care what she thinks. I know myself and have spent enough time in therapy to have put that to bed and see it more as amusing. I have learnt, through therapy that my boundaries are now sparkly lines in the sand, instead of fortresses defended with hot oil and poison arrows. Took a while 😅

Boundaries are really tough for me. I was never allowed any growing up and I am used to people enforcing their boundaries on me in a really aggressive, manipulative way. I’m finding that people are using aggressive boundary setting as a way to shut down conversation if you have different view to them. I’m struggling to distinguish between what is a reasonable boundary and what is a manipulative boundary. Which then makes it difficult for me to set a boundary for myself.

This is one of my issues. I never learned how to set boundaries. Till this day I'm still struggling. Which in turn added a lot more problems. I self sabatage and now being 38 or 39 lol. Im struggling with substance abuse. Been struggling with substance abuse since the 9th grade. All because I was never taught or practiced good moral development, or good moral values . And I never set boundaries cuz of that fear of rejection and I wanted to fit in and have friends in school so I would rather lose myself in the process just to be a people pleaser. Smh.
Now here I am subscribed to your page and trying to do some soul searching .
Oh yeah had 2 come back and eidit this 2 say thank you.
I read zooms comments and saw the the thank you'z. LoL.

It's hard to be authentic (nonreligious global citizen) in a toxic culture (religious nationalism). Just saying. Don't settle. Break the cycle. Rebel. We got this. Let's go!

I have learned from you how to set health boundaries. Because of my past I had no idea what a boundary was let alone what I wanted or needed. I was the do it all person, never say no because people would be upset woman. I was so scared to even try but with all the materials you have provided here and the SS, I have pulled myself in to the light.
You asked the question what are struggling with, my answer is short and sweet fear of abandonment/rejection. I feel the safest I have my whole life but my core issues still occasionally hold me back. They allow my thoughts to be truth and I’ll back down. Eventually with that same self talk I pull myself up and tell myself I deserve this and I use kind words to express myself. All of this because of your teaching. Thank you! Thank you for showing me how to properly protect, honor and love myself ❤

In my transition away from being a people pleaser (with the help of the Shift Society) my creation of boundaries caused my relationship to collapse. Its been three years and I now and I'm living a much more peaceful life. I'm convinced I'll most likely just stay single.

Oh, some around me definitely benefited from lack of boundaries. In fact, technically the boundaries were there by my father and myself, but it did not matter to some others and even getting police involved at the time did not hamper some of them. That is neither here nor there. What is present is that I am only surviving somewhat because of taking more dangerous risks in exposing what some of them have done and are yet still doing.

Thank you so much for that kind and helpful explanation. ❤
I feel like this is the topic of my life. Beeing a HSP I was always there for people, but I needed a lot of recharging time as well. I took this time instinctively and run constantly into people telling me that I'm not a good enough friend.
Just years later after learning that I'm just diffrent I could understand what dynamic happened back then. I could never explain it growing up though. I wasn't good enough and genuinely couldn't understand why, because I was there for those "friends" in the hardest times of their lives.
I'm still really scared about it. I'm thankful that I receved later help from people, who accepted me as I am. It wasn't the people I poured my love into.

All this and a Rolling Stones shirt. Bonus!

I’m just so confused as to how to re-set boundaries that I never set years ago - or how to maintain relationships or creative partnerships that require my boundaries to be trodden on in order to progress. Yes, you can say ‘well that’s not a good creative partnership to be in’ but I think sometimes others that do not have any clue of the sacrifices that are being made by one party, especially if they’re not naturally sensitive or empathetic or veer towards being a bit self centred. Further, if the creative partnership or work is something you care about, sometimes it feels like 'i either do this or it doesn’t happen’. It feels like I’m responsible for the mental health of others, at the cost of my own.

I am not in a romentic relationship or friendship but this is definitely good to know. Healthy relationships means both sides respects each other's boundaries, wants and needs. I will keep this on mind.