Dating Over 50? 7 First Date Mistakes That Instantly Kill Chemistry! (And What to Do Instead)

I like to ask my date if they prefer Daffy Duck or Elmer Fudd. That tells me alot about the person but most of the time they just excuse themself and never come back. I just dont get it.

Place vs. generic. Authenticity (being there) vs. any- or everywhere. Humour vs negativity. Voice vs stale. Reflect vs deflect.

As a Widower my therapist says she, my date, is not a therapist. Lol, nothing like having a monopoly! Appreciate the video.
My big focus for feedback: I say "I had a good time, would like to do this agin" I actually guage how fast they respond.

If someone’s still glued to their phone during a date at 60+, they probably shouldn’t be dating at all. That’s basic courtesy — not a chemistry killer, just a maturity issue.

When I was dating, the first thing a woman wanted to know at a first meet was why at my age I had never been married. Never being married is a a huge red flag for a man my age, I understand that. My response to that inquiry was that I've had challenges in life, especially when I was younger, and that if we get to know each other better I will tell them about it. Regarding phones, I just learned to not even have my phone out on a first meet, I either kept it in my pocket or would leave it in my car. It's a matter of respect for the other person. Some women I had early dates with would use their phones as a distraction if they got nervous or ran out of things to say. If you're on a first date with someone you know you're not interested in seeing again, what does a man say when you're parting? Do you lie and say "I'd like to do this again" then never contact her? Or do you tell her to her face that you aren't interested in seeing her again? This was always the tricky part for me.

Divorced women in their 50's are recovering from a toxic relationship if divorced. If at 50 they are still single it's even worse. Whether the divorce was initiated by the man or the woman. Women never forget a trauma. Imagined or not. It is always enters the new relationship.

The nicest smile I have ever seen on a woman is when she is looking at their phone...

8) If someone brings their mother to the first meeting, that might kill chemistry...🙂

You can only make a first impression once. Steven Bartlett.

So glad you chose this topic! I will remember to keep it light, keep it fun, let him know I’m interested and forget the interview process!

Nice episode! As an ace, I really appreciate the way Sandy described the initiating spark, when it is birthed not from biology, but from genuine connection- that’s how I experience it.

I can definitely incorporate this info… with a couple exceptions.

1, maybe it’s just me, but I’d be bothered by that generic non-answer; I could easily see myself pressing for more details. I’d rather the person be straightforward, and just tell me he’d rather not discuss it.

2, I may have to resign myself to loneliness, lol. But while I appreciate keeping your phone tucked away, I’m not turning it off… except during movies/shows. For example, on an excursion together, one of my siblings collapsed. The other was able to call me on the way to (or arriving at) the hospital. That’s not information I want 60-120 minutes later.

Life happens. And one of the benefits of being gen x is that I was young enough to embrace the digital revolution, but old enough to remember what life was like sans the technology boom. And one of the dreams of having portable phones was the desire to be reachable, in case of an emergency. If my date gets bent out shape over this, then maybe we’re not a fit.

Thanks again for the discussion!

You can encounter chemistry,hard to build,like being forced

On the 2nd phone call, the guy wanted to know what kind of car I drove. This is after he told me in phone conversation #1 that he had a recent date with a woman who “had no assets” (meaning financial). I ended the conversation quickly and shut that one down 😅

I think while searching for the gal who is now my fiance', I always went in with a positive attitude as if I was meeting a friend for coffee, a drink, or whatever it was that we did. If i really wasn't interested, I was still friendly, polite, attentive, and always looked my best. I needed this for my confidence. But also knew that I love to share in interesting conversation.
If there was any current drama in my house - as a widower from a couple years earlier and still having teen kids at home, they were my priority. I would need to take breaks and step away from dating at times. If we don't make good judgements and decisions for ourselves, why would we expect others to do the same.
Leave the baggage and drama at home. Empty your own closets. Noone else should desire this job.
As one light hearted men's channel host says: keep it "fun and flirty" 👍☺️

I think I’ve had lots of great first dates BECAUSE I like hearing people’s stories. But it takes me 2-4 dates for me to realize that what I learned is not for me. So I don’t put too much weight on the first dates. Does that make any sense?

Another thing I have seen (and been guilty of myself) is talking for the sake of talking. Some of us might be awkward with silence or pauses in the conversation. I would need to stop myself from just blurting out something in order to fill a silent moment. I have found that paying attention to what your date is saying, and letting them tell me as much as or as little on the topic without the "interrogation" type of attitude.

Soooo many people live in the past, tell the same stories over and over and over again. They are my friends, but I limit my time with them because I’m the exact opposite and I find their repeating to be sad and boring

Great conversation ladies. Thank you.

There is a fine line between saying nothing, like the ultra stoic, saying too much like a parrot explaining why you should give him your undivided attention and more milleit. Once you start to worry about what you say and start self-censoring every sentence, 'Sorry I will reply in a few minutes.' 'Censoring software is just checking my reply and grammar'. 'This conversation could take a while. ' Then you have lost the plot.
The facts are that if you are empathic and kind, and aware, then in a conversation, you will be able to steer the discussion to their interests; if you're a male, then you will only talk one in four times or try to. Discussion skills and protocols are how you get by in Industry or construction, where you must talk to people and establish communication; in fact, they test for it now days given the dangers of non-communication.

Talking to people is easy, being engaging is hard and walking on eggshells is torture. The truth is, if you have value to them, they will let you know and forgive coms errors, if they don't forgive and judge you for simple mistakes, then the future of that relationship will be Hell on earth, that or they are a judge. No one's perfect, including your dates. If you do date, if you don't date, the rules still apply to day-to-day conversations and interactions.
Chemistry is a mystery, and achieving it in both partners is complex, maybe a once in a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I think caution is the best road in the beginning; after time, it will fall into place if it is to be. Whatever you say on a first date, you get something wrong unless you're 'Him', so after being polite etc, let the fates decide.

The guy I am currently talking to has not been with someone since his wife passed away. I have been in a serious relationship since I became a widow 8 years ago. Not sure how to handle this with him

I always ask if they like the Three Stooges. If they do, they’re halfway there.

Yep. These smart phones are addictive. Both men and women have got to develop self-discipline about it. Just mute the volume and turn off the rest of the world while you are on the date.

Biographical questions are a NON-STARTER for making friends or connecting, in any way. People connect about IDEAS etc and then information about their lives is shared gradually and naturally. Forced questions are the kiss of death for connection or conversation!

Good grief, Leave the dam cell phone in the car or better yet at home!!! The absolute death of communication and conversation!! And do not talk about the late wife, got it! And talking stories will not be a problem! Talking her into coming with me to make a new story will be much harder! Oh well Nothing ventured nothing gained!! Good luck to us all*

Great conversation, great points! ❤