Things NO ONE says in Dungeons and Dragons

What's something you heard that you thought you would NEVER hear in a game of Dungeons and Dragons? 😂

Why did I actually look behind me?

I did have my "YES NAT 1!!" moment once, and it was when my modifier was -2

because I thought it would be hilarious if I rolled a -1 and I did :D

I made a goblin called noodle, he has an inteligence of six and speaks in the 3rd person. Party immediately adopted me 😂

The Bard's diddy arc.

Cleric: Nah, that’s only five hit points down. Just walk it off.

I actually didn't think it was the right time to rage against some mind goblins (psionic) as I thought we could take on easily. Turns out I took a beating. Also our warlock used to love splitting the party. Then he died to mindflayers. He's currently in my head BC of a ring and has made a wizard who steals all my kills and makes the warlock he did control tell me to kill the wizard haha. Luckily wizard stopped stealing my kills for now

Ok, so I actually paused to take a look behind me.

Wait... I'm lying on my back in bed, so if the bard is behind me, then... MY GOD he already susduced me!

My players didn’t start in a tavern, they did in a prison

I always say something along the lines of “yes! Nat 1” because everyone knows I’m pretty sarcastic

try to seduce an aroace gremlin, I dare you

Oh, no, I've done the "Yes! Natural 1!"

that one with the monk is so ironic, for me at least, since i chose that class because of how easy it is to play. no armor or spells, what could be easier?

The therapist line has been said before

You're behind me huh? JAIL!!!!! I'm a minor.

That bard is a spy!

You know what's funny? I've played two campaigns in my entire life. My first one started in a tavern, and it was... not the best. (It wasn't the DM's fault, they did their best, but it was an after school club with about 9 players and only two of them, myself included, were older than 14.) The second one, which is still going, is one where I'm DMing and they didn't meet in a tavern. Well, most of them. The group started with two players and there are now 5, so they all joined at different times. The first one ran into the other in a jewelry shop while hiding from the police for murder. The third was introduced to the party by her sister who supplies bread to the tavern they were rewarded for saving a rich man's friend. The fourth got tossed out of an orphanage while the party was on their way to go grave digging, and the last one got washed into the sewer system by a rogue wave while the party was chasing down a few orphans who stole a rock.

Hilariously, my current wizard might not actually take Fireball right away, and I have, before, complained about succeeding on everything because I annoyingly roll high all the time. I don't remember the last time I failed a roll actually. But yeah my Wizard is probably gonna take Summon Undead immediately, maybe also Summon Lesser Demons, or Counterspell. I'm more confident in being able to find a scroll of fireball than I am a scroll of Summon Undead, even though I'm a Necromancer and a scroll for a necromancy spell would be better, I doubt they sell those anywhere.

"Oh no! The orphanage! All of those baby edgelords are getting cooked."

Who else looked behind them😂😂😂

Love the „but only if they consent“ disclaimer for the bard. That’s the only important part about seducing everything, the details of how or why can be hashed out on the way.

Btw, DMs: Asexuals are immune to seduction. Let your horny bards run into a wall occasionally.

I only have one set of dice 😢😭

okay....i was genuinely afraid when the "because i am already behind you" showed up

"The orphanage!"

Okay, but when you said you were behind me, my little brother was standing there staring at me

Wtf

I don't consent

I actually enjoy roleplaying natural ones.

I once was happy for a nat-1 and I don't know how to explain the situation, you had to be there to understand, I don't know why am I even commenting at this point

Hilariously, I DO use percentile dice all the time.

“Why would we adopt a goblin?”
… I killed the foster goblins. Multiple times. In one adventure.

"Im going on this quest for friendship" is unironically the whole thing of my current character (gnome path of the beast barbarian)

“You know what lets not bully each other this time

Artificer: "I don't use guns"

Bard: "I don't want to seduce everything"

Had a monster campaign where they adopted an amnesiac gnome.

Monks really are very easy to understand tho

One time my friend ACTUALY ended up seducing the dragon. Let{s just say the campaign took shift in storyline...

the ending made me guffaw like that drunk dwarf in the tavern where everyone meets each other

“Yes! I made a great character with an awesome backstory. Time to be completely serious with the name.”

The first one I did in my first campaign

I actually have head a lot of these

I had my back to the bedroom door and my sister entered and tapped me on the shoulder at the end lmao

Fun fact: there is one of my OC Who give all his money to jus friend or to a leader of a clan beaucause the clan take care of a child We saved