The History of Albuquerque, New Mexico

I heard the sun is always shining, the air smells like warm root beer, and the towels are fluffy, they lied

where's Jerry's Bait Shop?

Way back when I was just a itty bitty boy

There was also Portuguese Alonso de Alburquerque who was colonizing parts of India and Indonesia in the late 1500s, is that where the name came from ? He was equally relentless and brutal as some of the Conquistadors…

“Four points region.” Isn’t it Four Corners?

My first apartment was in the war zone back in the early 80s.

You know the place.

Way back when i was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerrys bait shop you know the place

Spanish-speaking countries and territories, including Mexico, Guatemala, Spain and Honduras, along with El Salvador, may be considering suing the state of New Mexico for acting as if they were or belonged to one of these Spanish-speaking countries or territories. This lawsuit could be based on the protection of Spanish and Latino culture, language and traditions in the state of New Mexico.

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "It's good for you"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old
That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"Who is it?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said
It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little something like this
Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"
That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude
Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
I said "A" (A)
"L" (L)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"Querque" (querque)
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️

"Anasazi" (ugh!) is actually the Dinecization (Navajo version) of a Ute phrase. In the context of its literal meaning, frequently quoted as "Old enemy", "old" here actually implies "outdated", "obsolete", so that Anasazi more accurately translates to "barbarian" or "savage". They used it to imply that the Ancestral Puebloans were subhuman to them. That is why we say it is like calling us the N word and take deep personal offense to its use.

I loved learning about my city, burquenos for life ❤

Thank you for mentioning us Tiguas down in El Paso.

My mother's Candelaria ancestors were part of the 1706 founding families. Candelaria Street is named after them. ❤

Weird Alas favorite video:

Frontier is ok, defiently not the best New Mexican place out here i actually think it overrated.

Frontier is ok, defiently not the best New Mexican place out here i actually think it overrated. i feel like the people that think its the best are the ones that didnt grow up eating New Mexican food at home. They dont even have sopapillas at frontier.

Thanks Much . This is great Content. Appreciate your Efforts to ensure we all remember our History.

Even after the COVID pandemic, Albuquerque is still a growing city. But Crime is still bad around the International District..

This is a great video and very good history of Albuquerque. I do have some points of constructive criticism for you though, if you don’t mind.
After the Santa Fe ring, the mob stepped in. The state as a whole has never really been free of corruption.
The balloon fiesta is the largest gathering of hot air balloons in the WORLD. It’s the only balloon gathering that has to deny applicants for safety purposes. Usually capped at around 700 balloons.
It’s kirTland, not Kirkland. It’s not a Costco store. Named after COL. ROY CARRINGTON KIRTLAND, an American army aviator who also mentored Col. Hap Arnold.
Albuquerque didn’t have any more or less crime of any other city of the same size. Until the 1990’s that is, which could be argued that it started in the 80’s. But that was for nonviolent crime and mainly thefts.
Thank you for informing the masses of this place. I look forward to seeing more of your videos.

Red Chilu: mild, slightly sweet, tangy. I like it with breakfast.

Green chili: Scorchy. Your forehead breaks into a sweat, your eyes water, you sneeze half an hour later you get hiccups. Best for lunch or supper.

Estbanico the "Moor" has a book about who is parents likely were a dhe was killed at Zuñi over a misunderstanding over owl feathers and healing or over jealously depending on the account you believe. The 7 coties of gold was a twisting of the words because the Givernor of Mexico wanted to expand his domain and resources and maps, etc. He likely knew the cities weren't gold. He was told that repeatedly by more than one person who had been there. And people make excuses assuming he didn't just use a fable to fill his agenda.

The Oñate colony was the first permanent colony because they got along better. The colonists were more sympathetic in this group, being refugees themselves.

Didn't mention all the drunk driving, last time I was in ABQ the hotel front desk cautioned me 3 times about drunk drivers and not drinking and driving, a short walk up the hill towards the UNM campus to get a pint I witnessed a man get in his car - immediately reverse into the wall of the building he came out of and then throw it in drive and careen out of the parking lot 1/2 on the road 1/2 on the curb. Hopefully there are less bombed out buildings than when I visited in 2022, but if that rash of drunk driving is ongoing I can see why you'd leave.

I Learned Alot From This Video Thanks 😊

I ❤ History, Interesting Article. 😊

the balloon fiesta is now the worlds largest

I'm not originally from abq but I've always felt at home there, hope to move there one day!

Driven thru NM many times but would never stop in ABQ cuz it looked dirty and not inviting from I-40 . Thank you for the history lesson . New Mexico in general is gorgeous though. Almost moved to ABQ last year but plans chsnged

Thanks!

Thank you. This was great

You glide right past Estavan, who is a fascinating character in his own right. Gabriel Garcia Marquez takes him as his avatar in his story of "The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World.

ABQ native and this was so cool to watch! So much I didn’t know :)

In a book titled "Two thousand miles on horseback" 1867 the writer James F. Meline, mentioned he rode from Santa Fe to Albuquerque. He wrote that it was a moslty wasted trip with just mud huts surrounded by pigs and chickens. He was glad to return to Santa Fe. The railroad arrived in 1880 and things changed.

Never take a left turn at Albuquerque. Actually just don’t transit through Albuquerque to be safe.

New Mexico the land of entrapment my home state

red, because they know what they're doing

Weird Al Yankovic has entered the chat

The Frontier is good diner food, definitely not the best place for New Mexican food

Oh man Frontier ! 💥 I used to go there when I was a student at UNM in the ‘80’s

Democrat ran state what do you expect

"Neither new....nor is it Mexico"

The big ole mountain Ridge to the east where the aerial tramway goes up is "watermelon" mountain in the sunset. But alas that is outside the city limit.

I am almost half Yaqui Indian from mom's side. Is it true that the Yaqui Indians are taken care financially in New Mexico?
I ask bc it has become very expensive to live/rent here in SanDiego. The rent here is inhumanely high. My son and I are paying 1800.oo a month for a one bedroom, which is a blessing bc most one bedrooms are going for 2200.oo-3500.oo here now in SD.
Ty for this historical info. LOVE history!💯
SanDiego has lots of history too. Recently visited the Cabrillo Light House, and museum too. Check it out sometime!
God bless✨️

I'm watching this four years later. Hopefully you shaved. Still, thanks for this.

I appreciate all your history videos. Born and raised in Albuquerque and left long ago and will not return…BTW I’m UNM Class of ‘85…

Albuquerque, "The Ghetto of New Mexico."

And now ABQ is a shit hole.

Earnie Pyle is Gomer's father