In which I made hot, syrupy, spiced wine, and then deliberately poured milk into it.
(And, afterwards, deliberately poured some of the wine into milk for good measure.)
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The recipe I used was from The Cook's and Confectioner's Dictionary (John Nott, 1723), which is available to read on Google Books:
https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=P38EAAAAYAAJ
I found my spices either online, or at my local South Asian speciality grocer.
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Recipe for Scottish Bannocks:
Sift together 100g self-raising flour, a half teaspoon of salt and a heaped teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda. Stir in 25g oatmeal, and 25g rolled oats. Very gradually stir in most of a 300ml carton of buttermilk until you've got a soft (but not sticky) dough. Don't knead it. Gently pat it out into a neat circle on a floured surface, and cut into quarters with a floury knife. Gently cook in a pan on a medium heat until browned on one side, flip over, and then brown the other.
Serve warm with strange, purple cheese that you made using wine.
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(P.S.: My apologies for the auto-focus issues; I cannot find any way to Make It Stop.)