How Divorce Changed My Foster Care Journey: My Story and Lessons Learned

This is only second hand information and also from a different country, but I do know of a couple with two very long term foster children who recently split and decided to go the nesting approach to shared custody, meaning they kept their old house where the children have their rooms and whoever is taking care of them is in the house with them while the other one is in another apartment that they also share by time. It definitely requires a lot of cooperation and an amicable split, but they decided it would be the best way to offer security to their kids and have them last affected. Keep in mind that they are permanent foster parents who have had both of their daughters from birth and, while being open about their other parents with them and doing frequent visitations with individual fathers, mothers and even grandparents for both, they very much view the girls as their kids, too.

You are such a strong woman. Not only that, but you've inspired and radiate such beautiful energy. I hope good follows you as much as you spread it. We adore you, and I hope life starts to get easier for you. Much love <3

I’m here for you I’m single and can relate

I really appreciate you talking about the things no one wants to talk about.
Can I submit a video request?

I would really like to know how you keep your biological kids safe or how you are mindful of your bio kids with placements. My husband and I really want to foster teens, and we realize this can happen with any age, but we know SA can happen to our bio child (2) if a foster is still processing that trauma and is acting it out, regardless of how sweet the kid is etc (I was a victim myself, never acted it out but can understand how the cycle gets repeated). So we want to know the best way to be preventative and to keep bios safe against all acts of potential violence from a placement.

This is wild. Didn't see that coming.

God bless you and your babies🙏🏿🙏🏿

I love this video a lot just saying that right now

You're amazing ❤❤❤ Take care of you

I'm so sorry to hear this. I've been watching on and off for years and I was caught by surprise! I hope you and your family are doing well through all of this.

I had no idea you guys got divorced!! We are getting divorced too and unfortunately I think his parents opinion of foster care played a role 😢 I had to close my house but hope to open back up when I move to our next chapter ❤

I'm sorry to hear about the separation. Sending love xx

I haven’t watched your family in a while. I’m so happy that you made it through! You’re strong! You got this!

I am so proud of you Whitney ❤

All my love ❤❤❤ to you sweetheart

I haven't seen your posts in a long time. Sorry to hear about your divorce.

Wow. I remember when you were pregnant with your boy. Time flew by. Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤

Whitney, you are a beautiful person and you don't deserve any of the negative things happening. You deserve better, and we have your back. No situation is perfect so we can always build towards a better situation. A year from now, I hope that you can find peace with your choices and their outcomes. All the best.

I did respite for foster parents who were getting a divorce. The kids stayed with me at night foster dad would pick them up during the dad and foster mom would also get them a few days during the week. They had been fostering the children for 6 and 7 years and both were adopted them even though divorced. I just kept them into the divorce went through and cps could figure out the visit schedule. So they stayed with foster dad and get visits with foster mom.

❤

Sending you lots of healing and happiness!

Wow that’s a lot. You are doing all the right things to get through for all involved. Having been through divorce , it’s terribly draining and grief ridden. You guys at least being honest at a crossroads is the best and caring for your children is detrimental both birth and foster kids. I hope you are maintaining sobriety and able to carry this new load and feel ok to take a time off fostering to rebuild the foundation. Sounds like you are past some of that now or shakily based structure. Only time will sure that up and you are a kick a$$ woman and foster mom. Your passion for fostering is deep and your whole fam are taking on that passion. It’s not bad or wrong or selfish or anything anyone may tell you. I will be sending tons of good peaceful vibes to you and your kiddos and miss A who I know had to have taken a blow from that also. She is not the cause just so she knows nor is fostering. It’s always bigger and more complex than that.
Please give her a hug and get one in my name and stand strong. Rest, and basic health and mental health is foundation and supporting the little ones you birthed as much as the fosters. One day and one fire to put out at a time. Lol. Know you are cared about and your passions are appreciated. I’ve been in a marriage where differences in kids and fosters was very much an issue so I feel you in this matter. No shade to your ex and I’m sure he’s an excellent dad but has a shift and differing priorities. The foster issue is usually symptom of other marriage issues so glad you guys are apart before it could harm any kids by feeling the discord too heavily. Hang in and do post how you yourself are doing and how you choose to progress. It’s a heavy load by yourself so temp care for now makes sense and smaller sib groups or solo kiddos at least for the first year post divorce which is always a big adjustment and grief process for all involved. You’ve got this life and please do get any support you need as things move forward. Always ask for help and know it’s ok to drop the non priorities during a crisis of life change/growth.
Big fat hugs!

Showing good, healthy communication skills with foster teens while you’re going through such a tough life change is key. I’m glad you’re keeping your license open while you take time off. ❤️

Very proud of you ❤

i would love to share. i fostered 7 kids as an unpatnered person and i adopted! trying so hard to grow my chsnnel.

Oh wow! Will your husband stop fostering after the divorce?

While im sorry the last year has been so tough im glad that you felt supported by your agency and case team, i can imagine it would have been a lot harder if that wasn’t the case

thinking of you whitney ❤

i think part of having a healthy relationship is also knowing when its not working out and when its time to make a change

1. "Challenges shape, but don't define."
2. "Honesty and openness ease difficult transitions."
3. "Vulnerable individuals deserve open communication."
4. "Self-care is crucial in turmoil."
5. "Early support notification alleviates stress."
6. "Trauma awareness fosters empathetic understanding."
7. "Vulnerability is a sign of strength."
8. "Co-parenting requires thoughtful consideration."
9. "Rest and reflection are essential."
10. "Life changes require patient decision-making."
11. "Adversity yields growth and insight."
12. "Resilience and adaptability overcome obstacles."
13. "Stability precedes new beginnings."
14. "Shared experiences build empathy and community."

❤

Aww man. Im so sorry girl. Youve got this. Keep on truckin'

So sorry y’all divorced! 😢 I love watching both of your channels!

Thank you for being so vulnerable and open and also continuing to advocate for fosters. You are a truly special soul.

I can see the resilience and the pain in your face. You've been through a lot! I hope you're able to navigate all this and find your center in the whirlwind of it all. Foster care is hard, relationships are hard, parenting in general is a lot of work, it's a hard season, but it won't always be this hard.

I’m very sorry to hear that you have gone through these difficulties. I hope things will get better for you and that you will find a way to make things work.

I’m having a hard time with the language. Permanent children, partner. Are people just in and out of the family unit? Is it really better to say permanent instead of bio and partner instead of ex husband?

Great video! Stay strong. Your viewers are with you. Thanks for your honesty. 🤗

Im sorry to hear about the divorce, i didnt see that comming. But i wish u both the best. Ur an amazing foster mom even through the ups abd downs.

I am so sad to hear about the divorce. My intro to your channel was through your husband's picker channel. It is awesome that you are still going to foster. Praying for you and your family.

Seems crazy i have been watching for 5-6 years (i believe sawyer was tiny when i joined). Just wanted to say you have been an inspiration in my plan to adopt one day, and you remain an inspiration as you handle this new change with grace and maturity. Wishing you peace and happiness.

I've followed y'alls journey from Video 1, and it has been an honor to share this small glimpse into your lives and your hearts over the years. I have learned more about myself not just as a future dad, but I have been able to reflect back on things from my childhood with a new understanding, and an ability to not make excuses for the abuse, but to look at all of the abuse that happened and to validate my inner child. I am so sorry that you have experienced this heartbreak, but if this divorce is healthiest for you, then I hope that you have found or will find the peace and closure that you need. I hope that Internet strangers who only share this small window into your lives treat you with kindness, and may we all remember that you don't owe anyone more details than you wish to share.

The children that you have cared for are deeply blessed to have had the chance to be loved by you guys- to have people in their corner who love them, who fight for them, who create a safe space for them, and who support them.

Please give yourself compassion, grace, and love as you move forward. We are each human, and we can't always get it right. All that we can do is to do our best with what we have. Sending love from Arizona.

I haven't watched much of YT in the last several months so this is news to me. I'm so sorry, Whitney, that you got divorced. I've been around since Sawyer was a little baby and I never thought you and John would get divorced.

Big HUGS, Whitney. I went through a divorce in the 90s when my kids were little. Now, sadly, my son is going through the same thing with his two littles under 3. It never gets easy.
Wearing your oxygen mask is important!

I have a question....when your fostering did you and your ex both have custody of the foster child or just you? When he moved out did he still help with fostering kids or was it all on you?

Do you feel that fostering was part of the reason to separate/divorce?

ok I am SAT!

I am so sorry to learn about your family changes, I know you did not enter the decision lightly. As always, your sharing so openly is appreciated. Continue self-care as you go forward!