This Is Not Worth Your Time - Parking Tycoon Business Simulator

I clicked on this video because I thought it was going to be you playing and commenting on the game, not ranting. Apparently, that's a thing you do, so good luck, but it's unwatchable if that's not what you came here for...

These janky sims remind me a great deal of the godawful AI-written story books, coloring books, etc sold on Amazon that are aimed at kids. Someone has clearly figured out that they can make money producing garbage sim games and hiring a bot farm to pump up the reviews. It’s just this side of fraud.

Flight Sim: the original that started it all

Gaming industry: "Success!" "Simulate EVERYTHING! in due time "

There are a lot of these asset compilations on steam lately.

Well said Sir!

Can I recommend you a work simulator that I’m having fun at the moment with?
It’s “Blacksmith. Song of two Kings.”. I’m always on the lookout for smithing mechanics in video games and this one’s feeling pretty good so far.

Great video with great points.
Simulators done well are some of my favourite games including both Transport Fevers, Big Ambitions, ETS2, Cities Skylines etc, even going way back to Airline Tycoon which still gets an outing every now and then.

I think there is a standard "grace period" algorithm built into all games...mandated by Steam. You know...when you have finally decided the game was shit, but you have played longer than the time Steam will still refund your purchase!

I am trying to imagine the first game designed by AI...what do you think it will be all about? Smiles.

Hey...but it's on sale for only $29.99 this weekend only, eh?

That's it. I'm off to make Colonel Failure simulator. Great video and I think I've got the basics for it :) And it would be kind of meta: In the game, you sit there trialing games and writing a comical script about it. No? Yeah, I'd probably get sued anyway ;D

Sounds as a bussiness college project that someone took way too seriously

the start... you remove 5 planks from a doorway and there is a computer inside the building.. I mean.. Anywhere in the world... That computer would be stolen or the door would have been un-planked by the realtor.. 2 weeks ago..

Garbage Simulator.
Game is garbage, gameplay is garbage. Garbage is everywhere. Garbage garbage :P
oh and Graphiti.

Games like these are why it feels like the past provided better games.......we live in a world with too much spam money grab games

This game looks like a bag of dog 💩, not the fault of you Colonel

Hats off to you good sir for managing to last as long as you did!

I think this game was secretly your birthday present.

Your...Best...Review...Ever! I cannot stop laughing while typing this comment. I started LOLing out loud at around two minutes. I started commenting at mark 4:44. Applause old mad on this classic Failure. I mean classic, Colonel Failure. FYI, I did view the entire video. Useless to have the ability to chuck crap and the only impact affect (considerably) is on the ground or in a bin! Good work old man.

That game sounds really boring and disappointing 🤔

All I needed to make this .. (throwing a bit of rubbish at inconsiderate customiers) .. rant .. a 'classic' is : (the chunkiglows remainder aside) an musical interlude advertisement for Uncle Kernel Failure's audioblooke. 'Ere, Boss .. did you ever go back for that torch you flunged away .. into the trackside wildernesseses ...? Yey! ;o)

I always appreciate you insight but this video really shows how much you know about development and what makes a good game. I wouldn’t have thought if most of your ideas but straight away I can see how they would make it so much better a game. It’s a shame what could have been will never be.

This game feels like you've stumbled upon a game from 'Midnight Works' who had a phase on the PlayStation Store of Shovelware bombing absolute horse manure of simulators....you could tell their games from the titles of them...nothing but keywords to hit all the search engines going, felt totally AI generated. I do believe they are still out there, but have changed their company name to hide from the fact people got wind of their game, and started to avoid them.

"Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration I've decided not to endorse your park."

This is a valuable PSA for a whole lot of people that will unfortunately never ever watch it.

If another game ever approaches this level of irksome, I suggest you turn it into an absolute belligerent swear-fest, bleep the crap out of it, and then drop it in the Discord for the fans.

A half hour of Colonel Failure yelling at an awful game would be high value entertainment for the right crowd.

so basically you're saying this was terrible... It doesn't even "look" fun or rewarding.

As with any kind of, 'construction', type game; i.e. where you build a business/community/functioning infrastructure, there has to be an end goal that makes all the grinding worth while. Being able to complete stages that build upon other stages until you're able to reach the point where you get to create something that only requires a greater or lesser degree of maintenance on your part for it all to run smoothly. A game that has a certain degree of stratagem involved in order to become efficiently productive, in order to move onto the next stage. Games that actually give you a reason to want to play them, rather than what would seem to be a continuous, endless grind with nothing much to show for it.

Setting up a car park that involves the simple mechanic of removing items, only to discover that once you've finished cleaning it up, the only action left is to keep cleaning up, doesn't sound fun at all. There's no end-goal, for one. If there was other things to do, like collect tolls or be able to expand/develop the car park in some way, it might make it a tad more interesting. Having so many satisfied customers would allow you to level-up and introduce new features, might add some interest, for example. You could build up to multi-storey car parks, and hire staff to work on each floor, etc. I'm no game developer, but if I can come up with something like that, why can't those who are? Presumably, it's a case of put out a grossly under-finished concept of a game and hope enough buy it before they realise just how crap it is?

It started great, with multiple names and a tutorial message read in a weirdly pseudo poetic fashion, but the highlight must have been the moment I realized that I'm in for 20 min well informed Colonel rant. The gratest Rent, a we might remember it. I had a big smile while on my face for a while there.

And to leave a thought, I think parking lot sim should be a long Beam Ng scenario, some one who knows how to make them could make that happen and make it fun.
Parking lot tycoon on the other hand should have a way bigger scale (at least a city or so) and be a bit weird and fun, like "Pizza Connection 2" was in it's day. Upgrade your lot, buy more, lots, cater to different demographics, fight a bloody war against other parking lot operators and have freedom to do silly stuff.

Toll booth simulator?

The good Colonel taking one for the team. Thank you sir

Good on you, Colonel. Call this nonsense out.

Sadly, there are thousands of games just like this one getting run and having influencers peddle them as something great. I am glad CF doesn't try to sugarcoat anything and try to tell us not to believe our own eyes. This game is utter garbage.

I think the aim was to create a really bad game and to that end it's an award winner. There's no need to keep going to build the additional level and basement as the gameplay (such as it is), is all there in the first few minutes, pick litter, collect money, pick litter, bash a baddy, pick litter, pick more litter, unload some supplies, pick litter. I'm not sure if CF mentioned the monotony of the litter picking but if not there's a lot on monotonous litter picking.

Great rant colonel.

The game crap and prob a rip off dev build a better game lol

Games have to be fun, I already have a job striving to please others, I want an escape from that in a game, I don't need another job. I guess job sims aren't for me. lol.....I do have lots of hours in farm sim though, however, and ATS. Those are fun. 🤣 This video was epic fun, nice rant.

Who knows? Since Unreal wokeified game design at a programming language level (can't use innocuous terms like blacklist and whitelist) this is what we might be left with

These feel like a content farm type scam. Think of a gaming version of the likes of "5 Min Crafts" etc. Spend as little as possible to develop the game, and use fake reviews, then watch as people buy it and make a little profit. So if it costs them say $1000 USD to make, and they sell 100 copies at $13 USD ea, that's $300 profit right there.

thumbs up for an honest review

What they should have done is a Valet simulator.

It is one of the worst of these "Rinse and Repeat" games, along the lines of the new one called Auto Sale Life: Fresh Start, which is even more Rinse And Repeat than this one.

You can't beat a good old CF rant. Absolutely fantastic to hear the in-depth analysis from someone who actually understands the games industry and more importantly, what it SHOULD be doing. Well done sir 😃

Brew Barons is a fun fictional brewery sim... with Crimson Sky's style air to air fighting.

Loved the soft fade in look of you over the game instead of a hard window. Perfect for what you were doing.

Quite expressively played, have to say - I could hear the real-time commentary too, silk purse from sow's ear stuff.

I admire your ability to rant continuously too!

Have you played this before? I had strong deja vu vibes....

Santa Woodchipper comes earlier each year.

Thanks Col!

Glad to hear an honest opinion of this game. I have seen other channels put multiple episodes up of this game, and they didn't hate on it, but you could tell how boring the game was. All I could think watching those other channels is, "where is the fun?" Never bought, was never going to buy it. Enjoyed your rant on it. :)