How To Spot Autism in High-Masking Women and Girls

My husband and I have separate beds because I can't handle him being close to me while trying to sleep.

If everyone who is autistic were to be diagnosed as such (I know that is not reality right now), would the numbers most likely make autism "the norm" and "neurotypical" a minority (with some sort of super power)?

Noooo the sun hurts my eyes so bad. And its loudest at night when its quiet so I can hear all the electricity

bro, this is genuinely awesome and truly helpful. for a while i've known i have autistic tendencies but this is so well put and clarified :) thank you

this feels surreal. like some national geographic stuff. haha. saying this as someone who's affected

Reading and my old h.s buddies

Holy shit for as long as i can remember i will listen to certain songs on loop repeat and dance like mad never knew it was a stim.

This definitely makes sense with my eating habits. I have a really hard time eating actual food. I would rather drink than eat. If I didn't have to eat, I wouldn't. I can't eat too early in the morning, 9am is pushing the limit of feeling lethargic for the rest of the day. 12-2 is a good time to eat the first meal of the day. Don't let it be hard food either. Soft foods only please. I prefer applesauce mostly. I remember when I was 6, I said I would live off of eggs when I grew up and that hasn't changed too much. I also go through phases where I literally can't eat a food in any form, such as potatoes. Can't do fries, mashed potatoes, any form or I'll be sick. Just barely really learning this all about myself at 26 and I'm still not diagnosed either.

I went to my family doctor recently to get a referral for a diagnosis (I'm a teenager btw). They said I needed to get teacher or parent opinion letters first, in order to get referred. And I was like, the REASON I'm here by my own accord is because they didn't notice???

Aren´t those all just normal things people go through in their lives? I recognize myself in all of what he said in this video, but I am not autistic, quite the opposite actually - I am very high performing, productive and successful in my life. Or is this a matter of how extreme those behaviours/problems are? Genuinely trying to understand as a person close to me is pursuing this diagnosis.

My son and my brother will not shop with me because I read too many labels of everything in the store.

Omg, me with the sun. I feel like it is burning my skin. I hate that and people say I am just being over dramatic but it does literally burn. My family tells me I live like a vampire. I could not sleep next to hubby at all, he snored like a mac truck. This is crazy! The way other people breathe and chew and stuff makes my ears turn red.

Le he dicho a mis psicologos y psiquiatras que la depresión y ansiedad no son la rwiz del problema...pero ya estoy cansada y decepcionada de lo mismo , sólo me ignoran 😢 y la familia solo critica,no entienden ... Solo pongo excusas para no esforzarme...

A family member has always been obsesive about food my whole life.

She's already been called ocd on different occasions and points throughout my and her life but for her she would:

Measure food.
Weigh it on scales.
"this is your plate and this plate is for you" ( a sibling)
Flip out if any of us ate from the plate that wasn't assigned to us, or shared betwixt ourselves after she portioned.
Berate her children, if they had eaten the wrong (unnasigned) portion

There was a lot of that but there's also the

"You cant eat that now, you just had this (food item that contains some sort of nutrient). Cuz those don't mix"

"I cant eat this now, I just had this" (same reason )

"I'm waiting to take my vitamins" (for whatever reason she has) Stuff like, "its too much iron at once" or something like that

Its not restrictive stuff like anorexia but does any of this sound like what you're describing as restrictive eating?
She also seems like she doesn't eat much regularly anyway in the first place

Been diagnosed with ADHD last year but still feel there's a huge puzzle piece missing. Somehow I struggle even more with everyday life than before ADHD medication, and for a few months I really thought I was getting better, now it's just getting downhill. Diving more into the autism symptoms I suspect my ADHD was masking the autism 😅

this is me. but I have another condition that is similar to autism so it might be very hard to diagnose… should I see a psychologist?

This guy's visuals are awesome. XD

Everything got worse during menopause especially the sleep which makes all the other ailments worsen. I moved to avoid noise. I moved so far out that the area is called “ Baron “ on wiki. I can still hear my neighbours especially the ones rebuilding a house NEXT TO MINE!!! truly the timing is unbelievable. I’m sleepless and so f’ing angry. I just got here and can’t enjoy my summer, hear the birds, sleep, take a video or think. They return in September. I’m already having the conversations in my head all day every day. Thank you for this video. Much appreciated.

You are soooo funny !

I've been in love with Paul McCartney since I was a kid. And wouldn't listen to anything but his music for decades. Lol

Sooo resonate with every single one of these! I haven't been diagnosed yet, but ever since i embraced the likelihood and started making adjustments to my life to accommodate autism (and not just my diagnosed adhd), my anxiety and shutdowns have reduced significantly, and i feel so much more enthusiasm for life. Oddly enough, i feel less broken at the idea of being autistic, because it's AN ANSWER to questions that I've been mystified by for years about myself. yeah, the challenges are there, but i now know what to do to accommodate them. What a blessing!

I found alone I'm autistic. Better said, I was, because I'm 63 now and it's to late to tell all those motherfukers tortured me all my life only for being way smarter than them (including my idiotic parents!)

As an adhd woman i have all the autistics traits you describe.....

I guess you could say my special interest is being a mother. I haven't met any other autistic woman with the same interest yet.
I knew when I was 6 years old that all I wanted in my life was to have kids. I now have 3. And I have studied secure attachment in school before I had kids and I keep updating myself on how to handle new situation with the kids so that I met them in the most loving and caring way I could possibly do. This takes up all my time and energy. And thats the way I want it. I have no interest in any hobbie, in friends or anything else than being a great mother to my children. Is that normal for an autistic woman? I was diagnoser 1,5 years ago

I have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at 30 years old. My life was very painful, before the diagnosis. I couldn’t understand myself and therefore the others. Now I have all the tools to recognize the unbearable situations and the challenging ones, so I can act accordingly.
Such a relief 😄

Question 1: Are you a horse girl?

I have adhd but I feel like I’m autistic on top of it as well. I have my appointment tomorrow. I can’t explain it but you explained myself in 1 video. I also lack social interactions. I hate it. I want friends but I feel very exhausted having them. Today I needed to go to the urgent care but i decided to drive to the urgent care that was 45 mins away that I know was in the country so I can avoid people at the urgent care that was only 5 mins away. I eat the same foods and the same fast foods. I always had issues with sleeping esp since my partner does snore lol. I also struggle so much with advocating for myself. My simmy is def music and nail picking esp my cuticles. I’m also a nurse so I can interact with my patients so good but with my coworkers I’m super quiet and don’t know how to relate to them.

What is that hot pink thing you were holding? It looks like a roll of coban wrap? My eyes kept fixating on it...I think the contrast or something was making it glow...

I've been living my life as a closeted autistic girl.

My mom knows and my dad does too, but they don't treat me accordingly. I'm supposed to work the same way others do because I'm not in chronic physical pain or have a physical disability.

Parents just do not understand that my autism IS A DISABILITY to some degree. This year I was again told by someone (my driving instructor at the time, yes I got my license) that I acted too well to be an autistic woman. In my head I thanked her for indirectly complementing my masking WHILE DRIVING A CAR. Thanks again.

I hate myself. For all the things mentioned in this video. Even for the fact that I eat the same foods all the time. And I know I'm not supposed to be ashamed or hating myself.

But feeling different just makes you hate yourself for not fitting in properly. Or at all.

I can advocate for myself but it never really works out.

Fuck autism I hate it and I wish I could work and be normal. It makes my life hell.


(Funnily enough my special interests are socialism and social structures/constructs in societies. Along with languages while being bi-lingual. Being a woman does not help with living life, at all.)

I only ask questions in conversations, that’s the only thing I do, I never talk about my thoughts or my opinions, I just somehow feel (or know) that if I say anything things would get awkward. So in response, I just ask questions to encourage people to talk more, most of the time I feel like people connect with me more because I don’t judge them (at least not outwardly) I don’t tell them what to do, and I encourage them to talk about stuff that maybe they’re passionate or struggling with. I feel like it makes me a good listener? But this only applies when I’m in a one on one conversation, like when in a group conversation, keep asking questions just make things awkward lol

The only exception is when I talk about something I’m passionate about lol

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I'm NOT "crazy", thank you! <3

I am undiagnosed. Not for want of trying. I'm exhausted by it all.

I think it’s terrible that they lump in Asperger’s syndrome with autism very different. I took the European test for Asperger’s and the European test for autism and I forward a 40 on autism and a 90 something on Asperger‘s and if you look at the description on the test it’s a very different syndrome sonow if I tell people I’m on the expert spectrum, they don’t know what the hell I’m talking about because somebody had the bright idea to lump everything into one descriptive autism

Oh wow 😮

asd for women sounds like adhd some

none of these traits surprised me. I have experienced all of them many times during my life. Currently undiagnosed as autistic but diagnosed with Depression, generalised anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar2, BPD, and ADHD. I frequently have periods of complete agoraphobia to the point of being almost unable to leave my bed let alone my home.

My friend s are autistic but they don't want to admit it

I was working in a psychiatric hospital alst year and saw numerous incidenceof autistic women being diagnosed as bipolar or EUPD/BPD; such a stigma. Because the medical model is so strong there is a rush to diagnose an illness that can be treated with medication. Once medication is prescribed, women may spend years in numb confusion believing that they are mentally ill.

I love the way you explain things, the way you talk, gesture and the funny in-between clips to demonstrate your point. Somehow feels very calming to my nerves. And thanks also for all the information you provide, it's very helpful :)

I have been diagnosed when my brother did, as kids. Until today, I'm surprised none noticed or suspected anything-only people who knew were my family, doctors and teachers, because we told them. I must say, the reading part I wasn't aware could be part of the fixation. Knowing this, I think my other one like this was drawing. In the time when it was hard and difficult mentally, I was practically addicted to drawing, drawing two full on drawings a day. I never thought things like reading or drawing could be applied

Any other women just find out they are an autistic boy? Or just me? 😅

See i never really thought about it until my son was diagnosed ans a lot of his 'symptoms' i can relate so much to that and his struggles that i was flabberghastwd when they said he was autistic because to me it seemed almost normal because i was like yeah thats just how kids are thats how i was.

And then watching this video i could relate to every single thing he said and now im thinking wow okay. Maybe im also autistic...Im nervous to go get tested and diagnosed because if they say im not then ill wonder why i am the way i am.. if that makes sense. 😅

I'm 58 years old and I've only just started learning in the last few years that I am probably autistic. This is because all four of my grandchildren have been diagnosed, and my daughter points out to me that some of the things I struggle with are similar to what they struggle with. I get overwhelmed easily in groups and/or noisy situations. I find it difficult to have relationships with people, especially intimate relationships beause so much of what the other person does drives me crazy. I always feel like I don't fit in or don't understand the "vibe" or what's happening in conversations in groups. It makes for a very lonely life. I spend 95% of my time totall isolated. I know that studies show that this causes people to die at a younger age. But it is what it is. Thank god for tv and the internet, or I'd have been dead a long time ago!

Anyone else struggling with smileys? They seem so helpful to express what you feel, but I hardly ever understand what they are meant to express.

Hello, I was diagnosed with autism by tricking my parents (yapping about sleep issues) at the age of 17, now I'm 20. My diagnosis is still not official (I have no documents of having autism because in place where I live there's no such thing as autism spectrum so you should have really hard forms of autism to "pass", and most likely if you're female they would not put it in your medical card). I'm still not pretty sure what kind of autism I have because my doctor just said something like "ayo you have autism 100% fr no cap", but even with this small "on words" diagnosis it helped me a lot to understand myself. All my life i struggled with social skills and learning how to interact with people, in my childhood i was called strange and was bullied a lot, so i had to learn from scratch how to interact with people normally. When you said thing about being interupted I FELT IT. This happening to me all the time and I'm so tired explaining stuff to my friends and family! I'm trying to use masking less to teach people that I'm diffferent and if things normal to them it doesnt mean they normal to me, but i ending up just using masking again because it's always easier. I hate conflicts but unfortunaly i have pretty defencive style of talking and sometimes i just hide it because people may start to think that im agressive towards them, while actually I'm just trying to make my life easier or sometimes i may be bit too engaged in dialog and want to discuss things that i like deeper than "i heard from my friend that...", but end up with just shutting up or switching to another topic. So, back to the interuption thing - my defencive nature + people who don't listen to me when i say "please do not talk to me while i'm working" + hiding that i'm pissed = I'm being exhausted all the time, fully drained. SO, please, whoever reads this manuscript and have autistic friends/family member, please, LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!!!! (Sorry for poor english and multiple grammar mistakes, english is not my first language)

Sumo wrestling is my obsession. I’m a 64 year old grandma. I want to talk about it with everyone

Well damn you ain’t have to call me out like that (I’m diagnosed) I was always punished or publicly humiliated for my meltdowns since I wasn’t diagnosed until 2 years ago I learned it’s best to
Hide how I feel and have meltdowns alone where it’s safe. At home and at school I would face challenges for being undiagnosed autistic as a female, I would cry and experience meltdowns but nobody ever comforted me, I was told I was sensitive and attention seeking by my teachers at school. My class mates would get in trouble for even trying to comfort me so I felt like I was the problem and now I have a very intense fear of crying in front of others. I realize now that i have a fear of vulnerability and have problems with forming connections with others. Also at home when i would have meltdowns my mother would yell at me and tell me things like “are you seriously still crying” after it had been hours after the meltdown, as well as “get over it.” When I would have meltdowns in public my mother would always say to me “if you don’t stop acting like a brat i will beat you here in front of everyone” meanwhile i was just upset because the store was loud and bright. I would get in trouble very often as a child and not understand what i did wrong and get hit for it. Now that I’m diagnosed my mom is a lot nicer to me and tries to make up for it. I have a hard time working with a job though because most people think I’m weird and untrustworthy, it’s very hard pretending that I’m normal and that i always care about small talk. It’s turned me into an alcoholic. Anyways who else likes murder drones and wants to talk about it

I was diagnosed with adhd on age 32, but I know that adhd and autism with women have a lot of similarities. When a girl has ad(h)d they also can feel not accepted and they will try to adjust in social situations. They told me that the main difference is the lack of impulsion control. BUT I don’t completely agree because my son is very impulsive too and is clearly autistic.
We tried adhd medication with him and that didn’t have any effect. In fact he only got more hyper.
Me, on the other hand, I do get more relaxed with adhd-medication.

So I’m still very confused.

What would be the main difference in the professional help between autism and adhd?

If you're autistic, what are some of your experiences, and what challenges have you faced? If you are an autistic woman, were you diagnosed late due to any of the reasons we shared? Tell us about your experiences in the comments so we can all learn more together about autism in women! ⤵