HEALING ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE | DR. KIM SAGE

I didn’t even realize I might have this, one thing I learned from this is that I am gonna learn more about it, and how I can put my well being first. Meditating more, praying more, and do things that make me happy. So my happiness doesn’t depend on another person, and I can love myself more.

this is actually me to a tea. going to start therapy very soon

I believe most people in the world have a certain attachment style. It’s the matter of how to reflect on our feelings and act wisely.

I just broke up with an avoidant person after one year of being in couple with her, and almost 4 years of chasing her. I was always a confident stable guy before. And I didn't understand why I was being anxious. She was always sending me mixed signals, pushing and pulling like they do. It really disturbed me to the core. I discovered that she was dating at the same time that she was pulling me in, and then when she had an other potential victim she was pushing me away. Now I feel like an idiot, I have to heal. Thank you for this.

It was very helpful

You just stressed me out even more.. and made me MORE anxious.

Thanks for helping me to grow out of being someone that I am not, inside my heart. But are doing these things because I am afraid and hurt ..afraid of being hurt more.
It is Time for us all to heal up! Thanks for helping 🙏
God bless you for that

This was really so helpful! Thankyou so much for all the pointers you shared, really helpful for me with my practise and personal life as well!

Please make video on how to heal from axious attachment caused by trauma. Attachment issue doesnt always stem from childhood. I was secure till 23

How do i differentiate anxiety vs my intuition? Thank you 🙏

Imagine being accepted for who you are 💡 wouldn't that feel so supportive toward improvement ✨️
So much seems geared toward the anxious needing to look in the mirror, yet avoidents just do walls to teach an anxious that they must change ~ I'm going inwards & that's life but it just doesn't seem balanced that's all
The enmeshed parent is a curse... in childhood, they were always there yet, never, if that makes sense.. then, in later life, they interfere with secretively involving themselves in problems re my own family break up to undermine my position yet deny this - so exhausting/ energy depleting yet they're full of advice on everything
I think avoidants are so much better off, they can zone out & do experiences to quench the physical but also justify avoidance
An anxious seems to have not a leg to stand on. This seems odd.
Thank you

What if you don’t remember much about your childhood. It seemed ok. Didn’t feel mistreated can’t remember anything significant that would contribute to this attachment style. But this is me to the tee! As an adult now I understand my parents had some issues but I don’t remember anything traumatic from that time. 🤔

Thank you for this

This video really helped me, I crossed a boundary she told me was insanely important for her and I didn't respect it, I dont know why I didn't think of it when I did it, I think because I didn't thought of it as such a big deal or something that wasn't really connected to her boundary. Now she needed time to think and get her thoughts straight, She just came out of a 4 year abusive an very distant relationship. I couldn't give her enough space cause i started overthinking and I felt so sick, i felt like throwing up and I texted her i needed a call, so i would be reassured, i would see her face and would be fine. When she responded in a very casual non loving way I threw out my feelings and it pushed her away even more, I get a little obsessive it seems even though I dont mean it like that. Everything comes from deep down, It comes from a good place but it was to much.... She told me it felt obsessive and suffocating. And i understand that now, I havent had a relationship in 4 years and i closed myself up completely, i put everybody first and put myself down. I'm not good at showing and expressing emotions but she made me do that, But now i did show it and showed how i felt but at the wrong time and she is gone... and when we talked about what happened and what I did, I turn into a person that plays victim, once again something i didnt notice until she pointed it out... I am doing everything i can to change and to be a better person but the only thing I can do is push people away with being so clingy and needy, I get anxious when she doesnt text eventho i know she needs space and time... I am sorry for this long rant about what happened, idk why i am telling this here but i am here for a reason, i want to be a better person and understand why i am so anxious, clingy, needy and maybe a little obsessive.

Thank you

All what you said is correct but you gotta mention partner’s responsibility as well. Some of us might suffer from anxiety attachment patterns or outcomes but with an understanding, cooperative partner many of these issues would resolve or become less over some period of time.

The problem with over analyzing everything, especially with text is I can sense peoples energy, and I am never wrong about stuff. So I had a right to be anxious.

Ha- I’m here long before I even create a relationship, healing myself forward in case I meet someone,or get closer to someone I’m already friends with

i’m just really scared to push my bf away i wake up with questions and he reassures me when i need it but i feel like he’s getting tired of me

This was such a helpful video. Thank you so much :)

I love this I resonate with this so much I need help so thank you

I wish I can give you a hug right now for this, It feels like it’s describing my life right now. My partner and I ended things three months ago, I feel like I’ve wasted 5 years of my life. I’ve tried everything to distract myself, but nothing works, I want him back

What if your issues arent from childhood though ?

Do you let the other person know you have an anxious attachment style?

This attachment style mixed with being told “Be a considerate older sister, don’t be selfish, only selfish people think about themselves, you don’t wanna be like them, do you?” growing up has made me feel like a side character in my own life, it felt like I was splitting myself for every single person, until I can’t take anymore of it and my identity feel shattered, because it was always about the other party, and never about me, because as soon as the topic shift into me I feel shame

I have this, and im just realizing how my parents weren't really able to be independent themselves, so they looked to me to offer support for them when i was a vulnrerable child. Now im hypervugelant for approval others comfort reassurance. That sort of thing. Its annoying. N

Nice Video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can't stop thinking about him, l've tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I'm frustrated, I don't see my life as anyone else. I've done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can't, I don't know why I'm saying this here, I really miss him and just can't stop thinking about him.

I've been having these anxious attachment issues lately, over a woman that I'm good friends with and imagining a more profound relationship that may or may not even happen. I do have the self-awareness to know future outcomes are never in your control, only the attempt. And I do want to ask her if there is potential. But she won't be back in my presence for another 8 or 9 weeks so that separation has been eating at me. I feel a lot of those attachment issues I have stem from some bad relationships I had years ago and how they left a bad mark on me, which is probably why I'm both clinging and resisting internally. But I do want to make a more positive change and try to move on, even if it means just getting closure on what I imagine could or could not be and being able to let that go.

This is what I needed to hear just to feel like I can internalise the how and whys of my emotions clearly. Thank you.

I tried to reply to a previous comment twice but it keeps getting deleted. The individual who did this to me said he had a brother in the employ of the NSA. His name as far as I know was Kevin Hsiung Gee based in Milwaukee WI. The brother’s name is Ian Gee. They are trying to silence me. He made vague threats about ruining my life. I believe he put me on some kind of watch list and I am now being subjected to harassment at the hands of the federal government. This is no joke. I even admitted myself to a psychiatric care facility (Granite Hills Hospital in West Allis WI) where I was tormented, threatened, abused and given false hormone medication. I was discharged WITHOUT any diagnosis. I fear for my safety every day. This is no joke. Please help. Please.

Who is here .. after a breakup with avoidant partner?

thank you sm <3

I was just left by who I thought was the love of my life. It sucks big time knowing he will find someone new and have a family with them instead of me. But that's why it's so extremely important to heal anxious attachment. I put so much love and focus on this person who in the end, threw me away like trash.

I am really bad at assessing all all all the time. Ugh, it drives me nuts.

I don't know is it coz this anxious attachment or becoz i have this infidelity trauma...

I felt so understood by what you said that I started crying🥹 it honestly feels so good when someone understands where you’re coming from. Thank you ❤️

“I won’t leave you it’s ok” *leaves you*

This is why people internalise things folks

Can toddlers heal from this, or is it already too late by the time they’re around 2?

Is it just me or does she look like the girl from American horror story?

Holy wow, thank you

shit 😳

I need to learn how to not stress if my partner doesnt text me back or sounds tired over the phone but what if I've been RIGHT... like they did text me back slow becuase they were going to breakup or they did sound weird on the phone becuase they were at her house? What if this happened with multiple people?

Maybe its not fully possible. Depends on how you decide to go about your environment, change is needed for change to take place.

It’s taken me 41 years to want to heal my anxious attachment style but I am ready now….

I appreciate you sharing this information for the public ❤

Im tired of running away from my connections

Thank you so much Dr.

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Its also having a high or higher sensitivity for me. And being taken advantage of for being so.

I just know there was consistency early part of my life. Although I was safe around the adults in my life. I wanted a stable environment with my mom and dad.

This is eye-opening and I'm glad I came here