Finally talking about it

One time I went without my own wifi for like a month because I had just gotten back on my feet and into my own apartment after being homeless for a while, so I had to steal the wifi from the 7-Eleven I lived next to.

It was a really nice autumnal night in my little Appalachian town, and I was literally just sitting on my porch, farting around on reddit or downloading forensic files episodes for later when I didn't have internet and couldn't sleep or something.

An honest-to-god police officer pulled over and parked in front of my apartment, and he asked me for my name and whether or not I had any outstanding warrants. I said something like "not that I know of". He made sure to make clear that he didn't find my response even a little bit cute.

He ran my name (I think that's what they call it, he talked into the radio on his shoulder all sneaky and suspicious-like and kinda leaned into his car to search for me on one of those indestructible PowerBooks cops and construction contractors use). I guess the lady on the other end told him she'd never heard of me because he said "you're good" but he seemed really disappointed that I didn't have any warrants or a record or anything. At this point he was acting like I was the one wasting his time, you know?

And then this absolute butthole of a man straight up told me to go inside because I "couldn't loiter out here like this".

Again, I'm on my own porch. Legally it is my private property. I had been homeless for so long and had just gotten back on my feet, if you recall, so this is the first porch that's been mine in a really long time... it is literally the first porch I've convinced myself that I deserve to sit and chill on. No one can hassle me off of it or tell me that I need to leave or move along when all I'm tryna do is be still and rest for a few moments in this mean old world. That's what porches are for and this one was mine somehow and he knew that!

He had just ran my address through The System™ or whatever. He knew I had every right to sit there as long as I damn well pleased, and so did I.

But I went inside.

When you mentioned your neighbor calling you a weirdo for taking a walk in your own neighborhood, I remembered that story out of nowhere and it was like a punch to the gut all over again.

I've never told anyone that that happened. I've definitely never told anyone about how awful I felt about myself walking back into that apartment with my metaphorical tail between my actual real-life legs.

What a yucky feeling. I hope I never make anyone feel as awful as that felt. I hope I never feel that awful ever again.

Anyway...

Let's wrap up this pointlessly long story with a neat little bow in the form of my personal favorite Scary Mommy SpongeBob joke. I like it because of how wholesome and distressing it is all at once.

Why does Patrick miss SpongeBob so much?
✨️ Because he isn't a-round. ✨️

the anecdote on agoraphobia really hit me; I was 19 when I tried to kill myself and I gave so many signs for so many months that that was my intention -- I made "jokes" that I wanted to kill myself, I even asked a friend at the time if I could use his bedroom to do it. No one took it seriously enough, their responses were always 'oh same' 'oh yeah college is difficult', and it made me feel so... alone. it wasn't just that I wanted to die, it's that I was being blunt about it and no one cared

once i noticed i started getting super stoned and drunk alone, i cut back and don’t do it anymore. i don’t want to admit to people that its an addiction thing so i say its my psych meds LOL.

" when youre so attached to something, you're not gonna blame anything on it." too real, such a good reminder for almost anything in life. thank you for your vulnerability and honesty.

What’s funny about this is years ago you made it out with Garett watts that it’s Shane fault when you have the platform you have now because of him.
That’s why im seeing this and im like wtf is there to do with this.

drew i was like why does that fan look so familiar and it’s bc we have the same fan, except mine is missing all the white peices😭😭

I never ever comment on videos or posts in general but for some magical/meaningful reason the universe brought this beautiful video to me bright and early this morning and as soon as i started watching, laughing, and nodding my head in complete agreement, i just couldnt shake the feeling that I needed you to know how freaking glad i am that you made this video. Word by word i related to your story and it made me want to reach out. Thank you so much for sharing your pain and struggles with us, people who suffer with the same disease as we do are often made to believe that they are completely alone with what they're suffering with. Or that no one else on the planet could possibly understand the constant thoughts of self loathing, self hatred, anxiety, and depression. Fueled by the insanity of living every moment with the overwhelming obsession to pump yourself full of substances that you know for a fact is killing you, destroying your life, and leaving you unrecognizable to yourself and loved ones. Cherished peices of yourself suddenly worth the sacrifice for that fleeting moment of peace where you feel like the world suddenly slows and steadies itself so you can breathe for the first time in your life. How could anyone possibly know what that's like? Well you do, and countless of us do too. It's exactly the kind of truthful and non-judgmental dialoge that can save a life and create a safe space for the future where people who are struggling are able to be open and honest with someone before it's to late.
Honestly I don't think I have ever heard anyone be able to accurately describe what living with addiction is like as well as you have here man. Kudos for starting the conversation that's been so desperately needed. I really admire and appreciate you for that! You're pretty freakin rad in my book🤙🏼 sending much love and positive frequencies your way!!

YOU ARE LOVED & YOU ARE WORTH IT ❤

“I hope you don’t judge me for this” me sitting down for an hour of the most relatable content I’ve ever seen

I could totally tell there was paraphernalia in your beanies. I just didn’t want to say anything. I’m polite because I need more SpongeBob jokes and I’m kind of mad about it. There’s not enough. NOT ENOUGH!!
Anywhooo…
Drew!! You don’t have to be perfect! No one is, and so many of us struggle. In so many different ways. Truthfully, I am here for your sillys, randomness. And your openness. I miss all of it. I hope you’re doing well and hope we see you soon!

How have I somehow come across your music before?! I didn't even know you did music..!! Love you're content great work on all the albums too bro
Hope you're doing good

I love you ♥️

Taylor David Harris Paul Harris Dorothy

" there was a party happening in my head, and even I was barely invited" is such a mood.
As an alcoholic. Thanks for this. Appreciate you being so honest.

big ups drew🙏

Robinson Christopher Davis Jeffrey Lewis David

“Mac Demarco makes music for people who just smoked weed for the first time”

You are an angel, ok. ❤

I needed this sitting in the car outside my hotel until I can afford to move back to CA in the next three months... I did. 😮

And I'm in Vegas... 😢

It was definitely Trisha Paytas that was feeding him all his first drugs.

first time seeing your videos somehow and wow 😂 this was so funny and well done. appreciate your openness about this difficult aspect of your life and am very impressed by the way you’ve been able to share it with the world. Thank you! ❤

So I'm 1000% a sober girlie for the same reason, and my main issues were alcohol and m3th, but you could call me a chemical dumpster fire. I was an indiscriminate addict, and three months in rehab really did wonders for me. But...good for you for recognizing you had a problem. Everyone's bottom looks different, and I'm glad you're sober and safe now.

Predisposed is a word I would use, too, but tbh I feel like most of us in recovery also have PTSD. An overwhelming number - addiction is a numbing for trauma, and no one chooses to be an addict.

Thank you for sharing your story 💜

Hey Drew, I just wanted to say thank you. This video came to me when I needed it, and deeply appreciate your insights and perspective. Take care, and I hope all is well. You deserve all the best, always.

I miss you so much

I LOVE UUUU DREWWW

makes sense, love you, thanks for the honesty very human experience

is it bad that i have multiple favourite parts of this video

i just went to rehab and i downloaded this video on my mp3 player during computer time so i could listen to it

watching this again right after getting out of rehab. we have very similar stories but you were able to put it in words in a way i never could. i hope you are doing well, drew. ❤

Does he talk about Shane?

Proud of you drew I'm glad you kicked your addiction.

I love you so much it physically pains me and {turns me on}, been watching you for ten fkin years babe. You keep me alive just hearing you. Keep making content. Please. You're important as fack. You never lost ur honesty here, we've always heard you. That's why we come back! We love Y O U drew 😩

I’ve smoked weed every day multiple times a day for 5-6 years. I absolutely cannot moderate, I’m high while I’m writing this. I’m sitting here smoking cones watching drew because he’s just genuinely so fun to watch. Drew is the best

first 1min is why drew is famous

Now this one HITTTT. the fact that your skin and complexion looks so good gives me a little assurance though as a fellow person who struggles with addiction tryin to recover. love u

thats why i do mary jane safely (pls be careful with anything)