@that_rendle about what's wrong with enterprises (#SAFe)

Just build it. Grow up

I can’t either.

It’s when you need to have a pyramid scheme of training systems so you need modules and badges and certification. And to do that and consistency you need more stuff in agile as it’s a bit simple and so leaves money on the table 😂

Now it makes sense why IT consultants are so into SAFe. If they worked as people think agile would be, they would have been out of a job long ago as they would have made themselves redundant. This is so obvious: to maximize cost and changeability, not to get things done.

Since quality didn't sound good they started to call it Agile creating theories and tools that has nothing to do with quality but only to justify high consultancy prices.

I'm sure all of this made sense at least in the details. It's just that the only people who decided to "take a step back" only uses that moment to take a picture.

Agile just means devs work 100 hour weeks on salary. It's the worst possible model in history.

its not the London Underground, its the Commuter Rail Map of Tokyo

(fr)agile

AGILE. I need to ask my scrum master what this is, next time we come back from our 5 minute sitting retreat, but before we have the 13 minute mindfulness break.

The Agile framework must grow, to meet the needs of the expanding Agile framework

I have worked for Accenture for 1 year, didn't even bother in learning all the stupid roles or who does what since nobody really cares.

Tell me you are agile without being agile. :) Such over complicated nonsense.

More need to speak intelligently about the fact that SAFe and Scrum are explicitly NOT agile.

I see charts like this and am so glad I retired.

These frameworks are just training businesses. Take safe for exemple. You have 50 different milestones for which you need to pay separately. Your certification is valid for a couple of years. BUT if you pay extra, your certification will be extended without the need to pass the exam again. Talking about a joke ?

consultants were paid to give insights into our management...came up with the idea that we should switch managers every 1-2 years between departments...

now...you need to know it takes well into a year for a new guy to learn the ropes and get a grasp, no matter starting to do serious work to change anything for the positive.

so...what they basically did was suggesting for managers to NOT be able to do any serious work anymore and of course NOT be accountable for it, because how could they?

also...they will move on anyways so...what do they care.

now, did the CEO's laugh in the consultants faces? nope...because they paid for the advice and didn't want to look like they wasted money.

They're not actually clever enough to design something simple, that's why it's so complex. Then they look at that complexity like it equals genius because they are complete fools.

I was a manufacturing engineer. In that professional lean manufacturing was a very good word. For it to be made in the United States it has to be lean manufacturing. If it’s not then it won’t make money. The basis of lean is removing waste. Waste is defined as anything not value added to the process. Why is there such animosity in the programming world to the same philosophy in programing? Was it implemented wrong?

As a developer of 30 years I find it hilarious how so many people give themselves absolutely worthless jobs on dev teams.

Isn't investing in the private market of new companies using money made from the public markets just pulling up the ladder with extra steps?

And this is one of the 61863762867482 reasons I hate my workplace and gonna lose the job.

Yeah, now imagine an equivalent chart for the goverment. The last slide would probably represent a single dot

yes but if this didn’t exist then all the release train “engineers” would be homeless

Isn't the Deloitte one just a map of the London Underground?

But yeah people REALLY enjoy overcomplicating some of these things. Some places (not naming names) I've seen had 3-4 levels of organisation for a total of like 10-20 people involved. Not a named process as far as I know, just how some of the upper level management likes to run things.

Andy Harrington please note 😮

Deloitte actually added the Krebs Cycle to Agile 😂

Just use linear

When Waterfall boomers 'upskill' to Agile to keep their jobs

Cowboy >> Scrum

I got suspicious when one of the biggest IT consultancies hired me with 0 IT skills or track record in the field.

Managerial flatulence.

Agile is the biggest load of bollocks I've ever encountered.

And this is why this shit is useless. Just let the devs freestyle a project with the customer directly. It'll get the shit done in a quarter of the same time, and keep it fun

I have a SAFe book on my shelf. It’s essentially a joke book for anyone who realizes how unbelievably ridiculous it’s gotten. 😅

I loathe Agile. Rapid task iteration in a BAU environment is a tool to extract more work from a team.

And none of them lead to any real work getting done...

😱🤦‍♂️☠️

Deloitte, who hurt you ?

Krebs cycle dont look that bad now

Safe, the place Agility goes to if it wants to die

Pure cr4p, those frameworks just came to steal money from dummy companies

Consultancies start with a CON. The clue is in the name.

This crystalised for me why consultancies are scams.
Step 1: Make the process rediculously complicated.
Step 2: Convince customers that it's the only possible way to proceed.
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit

I have everything about these processes. End up spending 6hrs a day in meetings

At this point you might as well do classical project management. At least that is straight forward an people understand it. It has clear cut rules, everything is set in stone and flexibility is not permitted, but depending on what project you work on, this can be a gift from god.

"lean"

I am still waiting to hear some criticism and not just sarcasm

LEAN 100 PM 1 Programmer

I get it, I've been tasked with making business process flowcharts before, while also being highly unqualified and inexperienced... And damn is it so fun to build them.. to the point where I understand why bureaucracy happens; because humans love imagining processea & systems and hate following through with them