Does childhood emotional neglect cause BPD? (borderline personality disorder)

I believe this was 100% the cause of my BPD - I never felt connected to my parents growing up. Loneliness was the predominant theme of my childhood.

My mother had bpd… and she ruined my life.

I don't remember being neglected, but being a farm family it is easy to focus in what needs to be done before your wants or needs

Inner family system therapy changed my life

I don't understand the utility of trying to connect BPD to emotional neglect. Since BPD is highly heritable and most people with BPD have not experienced neglect or abuse in childhood, doesn't pointing the finger at parents create more interpersonal conflict and estrange a potential source of support? Genuinely asking. I don't get how it is helpful to do this.

its a shame you are not single

I'll tell you right now that childhood emotional abuse and neglect coming from both parents DOES cause BPD especially if you're energetically sensitive and you pick up on the abuse and feel it a lot.

You nailed it @Kati

Thank you. Just thank you.

I checked every box on the list. Time to seek help. Thank you.

i have trauma from multiple forms of emotional neglect/abuse, but i can't even remember if it happened in my childhood or just in my teenagehood... does it still count if it's in your teenage years but not childhood? (still cant remember much of how my dad was towards me in my childhood.. but he was emotionally abusive towards my mom. all i remember as a child was feeling oervasively uncomfortable being alone with my dad, and much heavily preferred my mom, whom i still felt inclined to hide my emotions from)

The stigma is so bad about BPD that if I get diagnosed with that I would never work with a therapist honestly. I got diagnosed with CPTSD.

<3

Ya my parents forgot my birthday one year

Not sure if Schema-Focused Therapy is the same as Life Trap Therapy, but it is absolutely amazing. A well known book and resource I could recommend is “Reinventing Your Life” by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko

Kati, I really needed this today, thank you 😢❤

I'm 63. I'm not sure who I am. Not kidding...

Interesting. What about autism and BPD! I feel like ppl with autism tend to attract ppl with personality disorders.

My ex wife is diagnosed BPD and her son ( my Step-son) is autistic. They are enmeshed in a very toxic way. She practically treats him like a mini husband. A common thing I see with single parents. Me on the other hand, Took a 700 page questionnaire all to discover that I have major depressive disorder. My wife told me I was a narcissist so I went and got tested. I'm not. 😂. However, my depression can cause me to want more distance than usual and this triggered her BPD ( fear of abandonment issues). By the time I figured all this out it was to late! She left me and took my step-son and daughter. My ex-wife needs some serious DBT or therapy also.

Long story short to everyone in the comment below. Stop calling people things if your NOT A PROFESSIONAL.

There is no "bad day" with this disorder. The emotions change with each tick of the clock.

I cannot say a lot cause I'm crying but I can say thank you❤

It’s not a coincidence that BPD humans have trouble connecting with people so we struggle with addictions and intimacy so we to tend seek quick dopamine rush the thumbnail is a bit triggering but anything for views I see you Kati 😏 (before watching)

Well it definitely worked for 😂 I needed this video this resonated the heck out of me thanks Kati (after)

Thank you for taking the time to go into explanations about BPD and it's causes.

I'm still working on and with my "quiet" BPD. I'm still coming to terms that not everything is my fault and that any individual mistake is not going to have people abandon me. I still get angry at myself but I am improving. Also working on decreasing the passive SI thinking.

DBT and schema therapy continue to help. It's a long road.

Thank you, you just answered one of my biggest questions and concerns. I can’t remember the abuse, but my goodness I know it was there and I know it happened. Because I can’t remember exactly what happened, I would ruminate and question the authenticity of my condition, almost as if I were doubting the reality because I was too young to recall or I had blocked so much out. Now that you explain that it’s totally normal not to remember, I feel like so many of those doubts have just evaporated. Thank you KM.

This was—yes, a hard pill to swallow since i empathize with so much of it but also really comforting and validating. I would love to see more videos on BPD. Thank you for your dedication and care towards these heavy subjects.

As a male borderline it's very clear to me what the dynamic was: a genetic predisposition to emotional sensitivity, an emotionally neglectful environment in childhood, constant invalidation of my emotions and scapegoating in my teens leading to confusion an instability and outbursts of rage which worsened the dynamic of how I relate to myself and how others relate to me. And this is how it's been since. Essentially I have not been able to grow out of feeling like a confused and misunderstood teenager, even though I am now 35 years old. I get life together as best as I can and soldier on, but eventually the stress of just surviving gets too much, I self destruct and drive everyone away.

It's pretty obvious, since bpd always includes abandonment issues, that abandonment is the root. It's a wonder that any of us still have a conscience, even if it's just those of us with qbpd.

Everything you've said Katy refers to me.l suffer quite badly,but l am in counselling and also have phsycologist so hope it will help.BPD is not nice.l also have the void,emptiness,and recurrent suicidal thoughts.Hopefully some light in all this is not far away.Kati, your videos are so inspiring❤️!

BPD, happening every single day to most children when they get dropped off to daycare institutions away from their mum and dad/family, and left there without mum/dad at a young age, including babies, for a whole day, wondering WTF, and yearning for their mum and dad/family to come and get them thanks to a system that has been created that effectively shoehorns families into needing to work 2 jobs, long hours just to get by and feed their family/house their family.
it's so evil. Sad for all the little ones in the world that go through their daily BPD when they get left behind at these places.

I was literally today thinking that the emptiness I experience inside was caused by faulty mirroring from my distracted/addicted father who also struggled with unhealed childhood traumas and emotionally immature parents.

So I'm not diagnosed with bpd but I strongly connect with the symptoms
I've felt empty my whole life
Had addict older siblings and mom now I find k self struggling despite being out of the situation
I try to explain this to my tgrpost but it's hard to emote properly
This video helped me not feel as alone do thank you for that
I don't usually comment but felt like I should today

This is so motivating for me. Have been in a rollercoaster ride of living healthy and being in a rut.

I have watched a lot of videos on bpd. This one is superb! Thank you for doing an excellent concise easy to understand “causes the whys and what happens. Years of therapy my “abandonment issues” were profoundly clinically severe. Outweighing all the other stuff by far. Like the silent killer…. I have not been here in awhile Katy its nice too be back Thank you❤️

Yep, my mom was ice cold.

Honestly dead Kati I would love to hear about the 60-70-80 percent of ppl who didn’t have this connection then those who had. Is it possible

Tysm! this came to me at the right time, I have been struggling and it's been getting really bad lately, and this ACTUALLY gave me hope! And it also helped me see how sometimes I could be hurting my own kids, which my whole existence is to be different from my mother so well you get it! So glad I found u! Ty for the validation! Subscribed! ❤🥰😭

finally someone talks about it !!

My wife has started having rage episodes that last 6-8 hours. Her dad died and she was emotionally and physically abuse by him. She doesn’t want me out of her sight. Every time I’m gone she gets so insecure and she often tells me that she doesn’t know who she is. I love her so much, but it isn’t easy when she is having her BPD symptoms.

Interesting, because I just finished a degree in counselling psychology, and everything I read clearly stated that the key difference between CPTSD and BPD is that CPTSD comes from trauma (duh) and BPD does not. Now, hearing this, it sounds like they're the same thing, or that there are a lot of people being diagnosed with BPD who actually have CPTSD.

If someone in the midst of an emotional rage or episode, how can they find the clarity or be convinced to do something like taking a cold shower?

In the beginning I can relate extremely to being a child and not knowing different. When I hear what others have been thru my life just was what I knew. I even suffer with that at 39 because my life's struggle's are mine.

I hate to see anyone in the pain I have been and want to be that 1 person I needed in a hard time.

I like doing visualizations. I imagine (almost cartoon like) my head has a lid and I can take the lid off and purge out all of the icky feelings like anxiety or depression. Sometimes I bring in a hose and spray around just to be sure all of the icky feelings are cleaned out. Then I see this tiny little me inside cleaning me out and giving me love like literally hugging my inside cavity walls. It helps.

Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.

Its not BPS it is PTSD

it took me 6 years to come to terms that i was BPD i was really bad with it in my younger days everything it describes i was took a good therapist i except i have it i own it when things creep up like old habits i look at it work with it but there are times depending what going on it hits me hard lost mom at 5 sexual abuse same age 5 dad was a drunk remarried a woemn who drank emtional abuse from her feeling unwanted got older slept around drank drugs really bad uncontrolled BPD didnt know why but now i do thank you for this video there is help we can change but it take s alot of work

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

Is there research that discusses how parents with BPD- continue the cycle? For example, they may have been neglected- but then they hold on to their kids in super controlling ways, with extreme outbursts of anger and over the top punishments - as well as some level of deflecting (i.e I'm not ill...you are and can even have their own kid falsely instuitionalised for a period of time). I hear that we need sympathy for those with BPD...but how can you deal with the damage they are causing, especially if they are in denial.